Baptist/AME Stories
Miracles on Dolores Street
Born in 1963, I was raised in an independent fundamental Baptist church
in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Following my parents' example, I chose (at the age
of 9) to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Although this
decision was made at an early age, I made it after I knew that I was gay
(though I didn't know the term gay or homosexual). The loving household
that my parents created was also staunchly anti-gay. I learned to live
a double life by the age of eleven. As I grew into adulthood, I
struggled to reconcile my deep faith with my natural sexual
orientation. This struggle significantly delayed and detoured my faith
journey and kept my personal relationship with Jesus from being as close
as it could have been. Even so, I relied heavily on my faith during
times of verbal and physical assaults from classmates, friends, and
strangers. I even subjected myself to a different kind of assault when
I became active in a local Tulsa chapter of
Exodus International, an
organization devoted to "helping" gays. Although only associated with
Exodus for a short time, I felt abandoned and rejected while allowing
myself to be "helped" by well-meaning but misguided Christians. I
contemplated suicide. At that moment of deep despair, my relationship
with Christ became extremely personal and the most real for me. I
suddenly recognized that God had blessed me. My homosexuality was a
gift from God and I was denying it. I then prayed and asked God to
forgive me for trying to deny his gift to me.
After relocating to San Francisco a few years later, I searched and
polled local Baptist
churches and quickly realized that Tulsa did not hold a monopoly on
Baptist churches operating under legalistic Christianity fueled by fear
and ignorance. Fortunately, God led me to the Dolores Street Baptist
Church in 1993 just a month after a hate-inspired fire destroyed their
historic church building. God continues to bless my life. I met Jeff
(my spouse) in 1993 and by 1995 we had a beautiful commitment ceremony
officiated by our Baptist minister. Through circumstances too numerous
to detail, we have accepted the responsibility of raising my 3-year-old
nephew, Sammy. We love him so much. He adds tremendous joy to our
lives and we thank God each and every day for him.
As part of my spiritual journey, I have become active in Soulforce,
founded by Mel White. I was one of 200 gays and gay allies who traveled
to Lynchburg last year to meet with Jerry Falwell. I will be returning
to Lynchburg in a few months. We will be going to build a
Habitat for Humanity house. I also hope to confront Falwell on the lies
his organization continues to tell.
Dave Chandler
God Knows
Hello, my name is
Rev. Tommie L. Watkins, Jr.
I am an African-American, 25-year-old ordained Baptist minister who is also gay. I was outed in 1997 by a guy
I dated for 22 months because of the rampant homophobia at the
United States Naval Academy.
Upon returning home to Birmingham, Alabama, my parents told me that I
deserved to be forced to resigned from the Academy. I had a demon in me
and would die and go to hell. They also admonished me by stating that
if it got out that I was gay to let them know so they can sell the house
and move because they didn't want to be embarrassed. I was also told I
should not go to church again because the Pastor might throw me out of
the pulpit.
It was these harsh and bruising statements that forced me to complete a
more in-depth study of scripture. I had to go and decipher what the
Bible said and MEANT. I know many people agree on what the Bible says,
but the points of contention occur when one tells what the Bible means
and others don't agree. Upon coming out at Annapolis, I prayed a great
deal for God's guidance. My biggest enemies were not others, but ME. I
could not come out to myself because I believed that coming out meant I
could no longer preach and that was significant to me. I didn't want to
give up anything.
But just when I was in tears and despair, I heard the words " Tommie, do
you think I don't know." These few words that I believe were from God
changed my course in life forever. I recall remembering that nothing is
hidden from him and God loves us conditionally. Only after this did I
understand what true love was and what it looked like.
After coming to terms with this myself, I began to read to gain a
thorough understanding of the Bible and homosexuality. The one that
helped me the most was from Rev. Peter Gomes of Harvard's Memorial
Church. In his book,
The Good Book,
he discussed how we
read the Bible with our own cultural lenses not really look for the
Bible's meaning but what we think it should say and mean.
I then came to a mainstream AME (African-Methodist-Episcopal) church.
So upon arriving at this church I quickly began "The Ministry of
Reconciliation" which is an affirming service for all God's children
particularly GLBTQ persons and youth. I hope to begin a
service/ministry that will reach out to all of those persons struggling
to reconcile God (or a higher power) and their sexuality.
God Bless,
Rev. Tommie L. Watkins, Jr.
God Still Loves Me
I am a 37-year-old white gay man. And I am no longer ashamed of it.
Perhaps my biggest struggle in life was coming to terms with being gay
and how it affects my religion. I was raised attending a small
independent Baptist church in the mountains of western North Carolina.
We were not an organized religion such as the Southern Baptists. The
preachers would always preach about hellfire and brimstone! Needless to
say that everything I was taught, by my family and my church, was
completely against homosexuality. I would always ask God to help me "get
over" liking men. I tried to do the "right" thing by dating women and I
was even married once. It wasn't until I came to realize that I am a
good person and not a bad person, that I finally began to understand
about being gay. Being gay is NOT a choice! It was when I realized this,
that I started praying to my Lord in a different manner. God has his way
of letting me know when he is listening to me, and he has let me know
that I am a good man and that he still loves me. I don't know how to
explain it when he listens, only to say that it is a feeling I get deep
inside of me. The feeling is calming and I know it comes from him. I
believe it is his way of letting me know that it's OK that I am gay. I
believe in God and his son Jesus Christ with all my heart and soul. I
hope and pray that all people, heterosexual and homosexual, will come to
know and love God.
Norman Strickland
Biloxi, Mississippi
The Gay-Obsessed Religious Right
I was raised in the Southern Baptist Church and find that I have gone
through several stages of dealing with the Religious Right. As I grew up
they instilled tremendous fear and guilt in me. I thought a lot about
Hell and feared that I was going there. I could not reconcile the God of
Love and an idea like Hell. In my 20s and 30s I felt nothing but
contempt for the Religious Right and their obsession with all things
gay. I loved to ridicule these religious
bigots but I still felt guilty as most of my family was in this church.
In my 40s I now feel these folks should be pitied. They are bigots
because that is the way they were raised. They have been unable to
overcome the bigotry instilled in them and to find the freedom there is
in truth.
I will never go into a Southern Baptist church again but I no longer
hate them. I am trying hard to remove the spiritual baggage they placed
on me and find my own peace on my own terms. Jesus only talked of love
and not judging others. What a huge stress relief it is when you realize
that you don't have to judge others, whether it be rightwing zealots
judging us or us judging them for their narrow-mindedness.
Anonymous
Spirit-Filled
Not only am I the daughter of a deacon, but I also am involved in the
church. Now, growing up going to church was a chore and it had nothing
to do with me being a lesbian. That did not become an issue with me
until I graduated college. It was more of a problem because I did not
have a choice but to go to church every Sunday dressed in my finest
Sunday duds. All I wanted to do was sleep.
I knew I was a lesbian, well understood I was a lesbian when I was about
14. Through that time and even later, homosexuality was not even
mentioned in a sermon and it certainly was not mentioned in my house.
It was outside of church where I heard people like me were going to
hell. Even my first girlfriend (I was15) broke up with me because she
grew up in a religious household and was afraid.
After graduating from college and being in the "real world" life had
taken on a whole new meaning for me. I needed some grounding. That led
me right to where I hated go when I was younger. To church. The very
same one I grew up in. The moment I started going regularly I felt a
change in my life. I still do.
I have no doubt I have a growing relationship with God and he is working
in my life. Am I still a lesbian? Yes. About 4 years ago I really
struggled with being a lesbian, however. Bible study and Sunday sermons
had in black and white references to homosexuality. The fear of God
consumed me. Lessons were taught that consequences of my actions do not
necessarily have a reflection on me, but could very well affect those
that I love. Those words scared me and made me feel selfish.
Sermons at church have changed with the times. Homosexuality is
mentioned and believe me, not to make me feel good. I hear the words,
"hate the sin, but love the sinner" and wonder what is going through my
parents heads right now? That is just one example of what has been
said.
Some may ask why not go somewhere else? There is no need to run. Do I
still feel sad and scared sometimes? Yes I do. But I think that just
shows how much I know the wonderful power of God and that he is in my
life. Some people do not even know God for themselves. God made me.
He molds me. I get tears in my eyes because I know how much he loves
me. I talk to God and pray. If what I am really is a sin, then forgive
me. But please know that this is the only life I know.
I try to do the very best I can. I think God knows that. The pastor
may say that we take bits and pieces of the Bible and fit them into our
lives the way we want to. I am no doctor of divinity. I am just a
child of God. I did not choose this life nor am I ready to leave it. I
make no excuses for who am. I go to church to hear the word and to be
fed. Our pastor is a great teacher, by the way. He is only doing his
job. I come in feeling tired and weak and leave feeling like a burden
has been lifted.
There will be trials and tribulations, but my faith in God will get me
over. It is hard being the daughter of a black Baptist Deacon and being
a lesbian, but I thank God every day, that he walks with me and that he
talks with me and that he loves me anyway.
For some, this may have been just a bunch of babble, but I hope that
others see that I am spirit filled. I can claim the victory because had
I let my homosexuality keep me from God, the victory would belong to
Satan.
Anonymous
|
|
|
Community Centers
Message Boards
