Coming Out: Suggestions for Gay and Lesbian Educators
from GLSEN
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Coming out is one of the most difficult decision-making processes one
can
ever undergo. To do so in a workplace is doubly difficult. When that
workplace
is a school, the complicating factors become infinite. Nevertheless,
there are some simple lessons to keep in mind if you are thinking about
coming out at school.
1. Don't let the issue get too personalized.
Before coming out, you need to think your motivations through carefully.
You need to be clear in your own mind about how your being out will make
you more effective as a teacher and how it will better the educational
climate for students. You have to make sure that homophobia is the issue
under discussion at all times. Others will undoubtedly chastise you for
bringing your "personal life" into the workplace. You need to be
prepared to show how what you are doing is something heterosexuals
do routinely. You need to make it clear that you aren't pushing a
"personal agenda" but rather one which will benefit students. You are
not
the issue here -- homophobia is. Don't let them make you into one.
2. Use the school's rhetoric in explaining your decision.
Every school has a mission statement or common buzzwords it uses to
explain its values. You need to review these carefully and understand
how
your decision to come out relates to them. You must then continually
return to these values when explaining your decision. Wrap yourself in
their language when explaining your thinking: they cannot attack their
own values! Make it clear that your decision is an educational one, and
stick to this line of reasoning, no matter what side issues they try to
bring up. If you cannot defend what you are doing as educational, then
you can't prove it is appropriate in a school setting.
3. Build alliances.
It is important to have colleagues who understand your reasoning and are
prepared to support you if things get tough. The best way to develop
allies like this is to involve them early on in your planning and
thinking so that they will feel a sense of investment in your decision.
Allies can play a vital role in advocating for gay/lesbian issues so
that
it doesn't become only your issue. Making sure some of your allies are
straight is imperative as well for keeping the issue from getting
personalized. They also will be invaluable in helping you keep your
sanity, in providing "reality checks," and in alleviating isolation.
It is helpful to have some allies from outside your school as well.
Other
gay/lesbian teachers, especially ones who are already out, can be
invaluable resources. You need a place to vent, so that you don't do it
in the principal's office or the faculty room and thereby undermine
yourself. Do it with friends or allies. Colleagues at other schools can
provide this outlet. Keep in touch with them regularly.
4. Document everything.
Every meeting with an administrator should be documented, in both your
personal notes (which should exhaustively review what happened there)
and
in a letter to the administrator thanking him/her for the
meeting while recounting what happened there as well as any agreements
you have made. This makes sure that communication is clear and that
there
is a record to go back to later should the ground shift beneath you. If
a
legal situation arises, it can also be important evidence for you. Most
important, it helps to keep the institution honest.
In conclusion, these steps are simply some ideas to give you some
direction. It is important to realize that the vast majority of GLSEN
members who have decided to come out have been very happy with the
results. It's not guaranteed to be the result for you, but don't let
your
fears stop you.
GLSEN is the largest
national organization bringing together students, teachers, parents, and
concerned citizens from all walks of life, working to end anti-gay bias
in schools across the nation.
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