Unitarian Universalists Stories
Pride, Prejudice, and Joy
When coming out on my eighteenth birthday (I'm now 37), I was at a point in
my life when I decided to make a clean break from hypocrisy and shame.
Anything and everything that wasn't honest or an honest reflection of my
true self went out the window, and naturally among those things was my
Catholicism. How could any self-respecting gay man or lesbian possibly count
themselves a part of a movement that denies us the pursuit of happiness in a
loving relationship? As Erasure once sang, "What religion or reason would
drive a man to forsake his lover?" What religion indeed.
For the next twelve years, religion was a dirty word in my book. I
associated it with small-minded people, with superstition, with ignorance
triumphing over reason, and with everything anti-gay (and consequently,
anti-me and anti-the-people-I-loved). All of this adds to the irony, I
suppose, that my first day back in a church was on Gay Pride weekend in
Boston in 1998. It rained like crazy that year, and the entire day was a
washout. I was really in a miserable mood and really in no shape at all to
hear my friend ask me to please go see him perform.
Had it been in a play or something "normal," that would have been great. But
no. My friend was in a church choir and he wanted me to go hear him sing. "A
church!?" I yelled. "Are you crazy? You want me to go to a church on Pride
weekend?" He assured me that this was no "ordinary" church, but was instead
a UU church. "A who-who?" I asked? "Unitarian-Univeralist," he told me.
"It's really cool. The minister (Kim Crawford-Harvie) is a lesbian, half the
people there are gay, and everyone is very friendly. Come on, you'll love
it. Besides, it shouldn't matter WHERE I'm singing, it should just matter to
you that your friend wants your support!"
I knew at that point that I lost the argument. Having been raised Catholic,
I was taught at a young age to feel guilt, and my friend just kicked the
guilt trip into high gear. "Oh, alright!" I finally gave in, and on the
wettest Sunday following the wettest Gay Pride washout ever in Boston, I
found myself, with a migraine, sitting in a pew in Arlington Street Church
in Boston, wondering if the world had come to an end after all (cancelled
Pride, me in a church -- all the signs were ominous to say the least).
As I sat there, head back against the pew staring at the ceiling, I heard
Rev. Kim begin speaking. "Good Morning! Welcome to Arlington Street Church!
Before we begin today, I have to ask all of you to please join me in
thanking the children in the R.E. program (religious education) for making
all of the Gay Pride decorations you see in the sanctuary this morning." And
with that, everyone burst into applause, and I found myself waking up.
"What did she just say?" I asked my friend, who just smiled on me with that
"I told you so" sort of look on his face. The sermon was all about some of
the wonderful things that could happen when you manage to break away from
regimented schedules in life and let life just take you for a ride. Again, a
perfect sermon for the occasion, since I'm an anal planner and my friend
prefers to "just see what happens," a way of living that I just cannot
fathom.
Anyway, all of that was two years ago. This past year I just stepped down as
Chairman of the Special Events Committee and returned last month from G.A.
(General Assembly), a yearly UU gathering. Looking back at it all, I still
can't believe I go to a church. My religion was always very "Star Trek" or
"Babylon 5." Infinite diversity in infinite combination was always my
mantra. There is just no way of knowing what "lies beyond," if anything. We
CAN'T know in this lifetime. I think that's by design.
What's so amazing about Unitarian-Universalism is that it has no set of
beliefs or "definitions of god" with which members must agree. There is no
"profession of faith," only the desire to come together from our diverse
backgrounds and inspire one another to contemplate what we may be. The Web
site at www.uua.org really explains it better than I can possibly explain
here. Ten percent or so of UUs are atheists, according to one study. Others
are Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Pagans, and a variety of other faiths.
What binds us together? A loose group of seven principles which, primarily,
affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person. A desire to help one
another brings us together in congregations. We count such famous people in
our history as Thomas Jefferson, Susan B. Anthony, Thoreau, Frank Lloyd
Wright, and many other luminaries in history who championed reason and
liberty bound closely to respect for one another.
I can't say that my path is for everyone. Whatever helps you to get in touch
with others in a positive way, whatever helps you feel that you are not only
"not alone" but part of something much greater than any one of us alone,
whatever helps you realize your potential and inspires you to help others to
do the same is what, in the end, is right for you. The important thing is,
don't let the right-wingers pirate religion. Don't let them take away your
spirituality by making you associate the word with something as dark as
their fear and ignorance. Rise above that, and you might be surprised at
what you find. Good luck!
David DeAngelis
MCC vs. UU
I don't have to struggle to reconcile my sexuality and my religion. I'm
fortunate enough to be a Unitarian Universalist! Our church has been among
the most consistently welcoming denominations in the country for 30 years.
We have LGBT clergy, same-sex union ceremonies, and have consistently
worked to further acceptance for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender
people. See http://www.uua.org/obgltc/altuuism.html for some more
information.
I respect the work of the Metropolitan Community Churches in serving the
needs of LGBT Christians. But Unitarian Universalism is rather different
from MCC in two ways that are important to me. First, Unitarian
Universalism is not an exclusively Christian group. We include pagans,
Jews, Buddhists, atheists, and humanists. Second, LGBT folk are a valued
part of UU congregations, but we are not the majority (except in
Provincetown!) UU congregations are more diverse, and I appreciate the
chance to interact with straight people of good will. It's valuable, I
think, to see lots of kids and old people and learn from the whole range of
experiences.
Thanks,
Aaron Broadwell
State of the Union
Spirituality has always been extremely important to me. I was raised Roman
Catholic and decided that I wanted to become a priest. One reason (although
not the main one at the time) was that since I had little interest in women
I felt I had a calling to be a celibate priest. I spent two years in the
Catholic seminary and then luckily left realizing that I just no longer
believed the teachings of the church.
I stumbled across the Unitarian Universalist church. I was so thrilled to
find a religion that accepted all people no matter what their individual
beliefs and that taught that love is more important than any creed that I
decided to become a Unitarian Universalist minister. Today I am minister of
the Unitarian Universalist Church in St. Johnsbury, Vermont. I had a holy
union with my spouse in 1985 performed by the executive secretary (our
equivalent of a bishop) of the New Hampshire Vermont District. I am excited
to be part of a religion that has always been supportive of gay, lesbian,
bisexual, and transgender folk.
If anyone wishes to contact me:
Rev. Brendan Hadash
964 Beach Hill Road, West Glover, Vermont 05875
phone 802-525-3856
email bhadash@sover.net
Pagan-Unitarian
I have always found a connection between being gay and my spirituality.
Growing up in an orthodox Jewish household taught me a lot about being
different, or outside the norm, in America. This is clearly a Christian
based culture, and my family did not fit in. This experience helped me to
adapt to my gay identity.
My gay identity also helped my spiritual path. As a gay man I felt freer to
experiment with different spiritual paths, to take those aspects of my Jewish
upbringing that worked for me, and forge them with other forms of expression.
For example, to me the Jewish Passover is about both celebrating freedom and
recommitting to the fight for it.
My path has led me to both Paganism/Wicca, and Unitarian Universalism -- a
union supported by the Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans. My Pagan pathway celebrates diversity and supports
my true expression of self. It also helps give a spiritual dimension to my
environmental activism and my feminist/pro-gay work as a domestic violence
counselor.
My UU church, led by an openly gay Minister, helps me make a connection to a
broader segment of people, ideas and traditions. This reminds me that, while
my path is perfect for me, diversity of spirituality is something to strive
for. My UU association also helps me to connect with social issues that I
can actively work toward changing -- with support from a larger group than my
coven or CUUPS chapter can provide.
My spirituality is the most important thing in my life, because it helps give
deeper meaning to everything I do -- my relationships with my partner, family
and friends, my work, my social activism and my hobbies. Because it connects
everything, it is an inextricable component of every aspect of my life.
Alan D. Stillman
I'm OK, You're OK
After a lifelong struggle with Roman Catholicism, I have settled in
the Unitarian Universalist Association to find the spiritual nurturing I
need.
While still a part of the RC Church, I seemed to have to spend a lot
of time convincing myself I was OK. And then St. Patrick's Day would
come, and there would be lots of trouble with the gay groups trying to
march in the parades... and I would go to my therapist. What a drag.
Now I am part of a church where I am OK just as I am. My partner,
my cats -- everyone is OK. I have no need to spend an extraordinary amount
of time convincing myself I am OK, and I can concentrate on answering
God's call, which is to join the ministry. I am entering the seminary
in September.
If you are looking for a church that is long on tolerance and short
on doctrine, check out the UUA. Everyone is truly welcome.
Kathy
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