Muslim Stories
Gay and Muslim
I am 19, gay, and have recently been elected to be the president of the Islamic Society at my university. How on earth did that happen?
Well, I was born in France in a Muslim family and brought up with German and Arabic traditions. It was established quite early in our family that gayness was culturally challenging and quite unacceptable. I found out I was gay at an early age. As a teen, I fell in love with straight school friends, had a huge crush on Michael J. Fox, and I slowly realized that things weren't going to get easier with time. I'd soon be expected to look at girls, have a girlfriend and later get married ... Yikes!
At 16, I started to think life was not worth living, and I needed to find some support somewhere. Well, there was no way I'd dare talk to humans, my fluffy white dog couldn't care less, and I realized "Hey! I'm officially Muslim, but I don't know anything about Islam." I asked dad to teach me how to pray, and read the Qu'ran. This made my parents real proud.
After having read one third, I didn't have any more doubts about God's existence, and by praying, I somehow found all the support I needed. Also, suicide is a bad enough sin to go to hell, so I've never really thought about it again. Being religious has brought me a lot, and morals which fit into my gay life too.
Nevertheless, I'm still confused sometimes, because the Qu'ran vaguely and very shortly refers to homosexuality as being wrong, but nothing more. At one point, after having talked with some "well-informed" Muslims, I was convinced that I couldn't be gay. This didn't last very long. I'm never going to be straight, and I told God "you know who I am, and how I feel. I can't change." If it's wrong to be gay, I'll go to hell, but at least I will have been honest to myself and to God.
Last year, I left to go to university in England, where I joined the local Islamic Society which has over 100 members. I hadn't come out yet, and was enjoying friendly meetings with these extremely religious people. I hadn't joined the LGB society yet, because I'm not out. But at the end of the year, I was suggested to be the president of this traditional Islamic Society,
because I was already involved with the student's union, and no one else wanted to do it. Stupidly I accepted, and later, came out to the society's committee. I had never come out to any one before, and it was certainly, uh... interesting to come out to 12 extremely religious people. They were very shocked, asked me to explain how it was possible, and after deciding that I was probably a faithful (but confused) Muslim and knew more about the Qu'ran than many members, they should vote to see if I could still be president. Result: 4 in favor, 5 abstentions, 3 against ... This is going to be a hell of a year!
Anon.
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