Mormon Stories
Choosing Celibacy
For me it seems a constant struggle. I am one of those odd people who is gay, but am an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'd be the first to tell you that there is a lot of baggage there that is not always easy to sort out. I occasionally struggle with the question of whether I should leave the church and pursue a sexual relationship or stay in the church and remain celibate. As strange as it may sound I actually have found some level of peace. Not all that I would have hoped for, but every little bit helps, I
suppose.
If I had ever had a positive loving gay relationship, I would probably opt for that. But as it is right now, I am opting for celibacy. I have been involved with three people before. Each time I thought there was something meaningful there. It's a long story, but the short version
is after the sex their wasn't much of a relationship and they never called me again. All it ended up doing for me was making me feel like a cheap slut. I know that there are lots of people who have very positive and loving relationships. As a matter of fact several of my gay friends are involved in very loving and committed relationships and I find that I am very envious of them. In spite of the fact that there seems to be a lot of bigotry and fear within the Mormon Church, I am actually finding fulfillment there. It's certainly not easy, but I have had many great and wonderful spiritual experiences. I think right now it is probably easier for me in the church because I am finding that I am not much interested in sex anyhow right now. Low testosterone level I suppose. Anyhow, that is where I am coming from.
G.F.
Trying for Reconciliation
I am 46 years old and grew up heavily entrenched in the doctrines of the L.D.S. (Mormon) Church. I was married 18 years and I have four great kids (and one great ex-wife). I always denied my gay feelings since, in the Mormon Church, being gay is not an acceptable option. I felt I had to be true to myself and I could no longer be untrue to my wonderful wife. I have a gay L.D.S. boyfriend, and together we try to figure out where and how we fit in to the Church we still want to be a part of, but feel we cannot be and still be true to our real selves.
So, every day we try to figure out exactly how to reconcile the gap between who we are and what we believe. So far, we are unable to do this.
Gay and Mormon
My name is Craig. I guess I am one of the few who admit to being Mormon on PlanetOut. I do not have problems with being gay, although I am not out, and being Mormon.
I really do not know why I don't have a problem with belonging to a church which shuns homosexuality É I don't think I could ever answer that. I am at a weird time of my life. Me being gay has really nothing to do w/ what I do everyday. I am in no relationship or drama with anyone. I work and go to school, hang out with the same friends I have been hanging with since the 6th grade.
I don't try to fool myself into thinking that being gay is "good" or "bad." It's just me. I mean come on, I'm weird to begin with! I would say that I am a spiritual person, by way of the LDS faith. I know it is right for me. I do have a very emotionally supporting family. There are no major problems in my life.
I am a very easy going person. That would make me not very responsive to good causes like Gay Pride. I was raised to be humble. I believe in it. I believe in myself. I believe in my Heavenly Father as he was who gave me this life I am living. I live in his image and I strive to do right. He made me who I was. Now, that brings up the "choice" part of the argument
that I walk away from. I know that all religions believe that its a choice to become what I am. How can that be? What goes on in my mind is only understood by one person, my Heavenly Father. I have no one else to answer to. Those men who are appointed to be leaders of the church, have no jurisdiction over me. Its not the church that is against homosexuality. I know that by praying. Praying for forgiveness for being gay É that
forgiveness never came. I don't need it. I was made this way for a reason.
I have a passion about my faith. I would rather die before I was told to leave the church. I do defend my faith. Mostly against other faiths, which is what I usually have difficulty with, not because I'm gay. I would be the same person if I were straight. Heavenly Father would love me just the same. There is always heavy opposition to good things. I am a good person, and that's all that matters.
Craig
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