Methodist Stories
Leaving the Methodist Church
I have been a deeply spiritual person all of my life. I have read and prayed and had community with many different groups inside my heritage of the Methodist church and outside in groups such as Young Life, and YWCA bible studies. When I began to come to grips with my homosexuality, I naturally prayed for direction. I can honestly say that in the five years I've been out, I have never had a doubt that God still loves me, and smiles down on me.
There have been struggles though. I am determined to raise my children with a strong spiritual background, but it has become increasingly difficult in a church that continues to speak out publicly against what I know is good in God's eyes, a loving same-sex relationship. Knowing that the church that blessed me as a child and as a heterosexual woman now looks the other way and refuses to bless my love and devotion for another human being, because she is female, is very hurtful. I feel I have fulfilled my pledge to uphold the church with my prayers, my presence, my gifts and my service, but the church
has failed to stand by me. And I feel increasingly that it is wrong to bring my children up in such dishonesty. So I am off to the welcoming congregations in my city, although I would rather my children attend a neighborhood church. I have yet to resolve this conflict, but my sons and I are working together to find peace with the situation and hopefully a church that will welcome and embrace us all as we deserve in God's eyes.
Robin Leach
Broken Arrow, OK
Ex-Mormon
I was raised in a strict Mormon home, with four brothers and two sisters. I was the youngest. I stayed active in this church, and was always connected to it in one way or another, but I never felt that I belonged. I had 'perverse' thoughts (dreams and desires of
homosexuality), and I couldn't talk to anyone about them. I was embarrassed by them, and was afraid of someone finding out. And I couldn't control them either. They continued throughout my growing cycles.
I married in the Salt Lake LDS Temple, and lived a dedicated Mormon lifestyle within this church for another fourteen years. But I had a secret. Something I thought, as the Mormon church testified, I would be damned and go straight to hell for. Then when I knew that my
marriage was over, I decided that I needed to study these "sinful" thoughts that had been overwhelming me continually throughout my life. I became completely inactive, and proceeded to act upon these desires that I had been having. After months of just following my heart, Iwas surprised! I finally found that peace of mind that had been missing throughout my entire life! I gained confidence, which I had lacked for so many years. I had finally found myself. This is where I belonged. However, I knew the church that I attended for so many years; would no longer accept me for who I am. I was confused and hurt. I needed that spiritual enhancement in my life, but I wasn't familiar with other denominations. I was guided to one church that was built around the GLBT community, but found that the pastor there did not touch my heart. I have always felt that God speaks to me through my heart, and that church I first attend after finding myself just didn't
cut it. I then attended a meeting for PFLAG, and the speaker there just happened to be Jimmy Creech. He touched my heart and fulfilled that spiritual need which I had been searching for. I took the classes for inquirers, and soon became a member of The First United Methodist Church. I was welcomed with open arms. The people knew that I was a lesbian, and loved me just the same.
I think that there will be conflict in all religions (unless created for the GLBT community alone). I still feel a bitter loss from the Mormon church, but they will never change. My family does not talk to me much anymore. I have one brother who is not committed to the Mormon church as the rest of my siblings are, and he accepts me and my partner for who we are, and does not condemn us. I am happy with who I am today. I do not feel that I am damned. God made me. This is who I am, and this is where I belong.
Julia Searle
Good News
I grew up the son of a Southern Baptist Minister in a small town in South Carolina. My older brothers are also Southern Baptist Ministers. During my childhood, church was the center of my life. I attended a Baptist University, but did not participate regularly in a church during college as I did not feel that any would welcome me knowing my sexual orientation. I was completely closeted at the time, but I knew that I could not attend a Baptist church and hear that I was going to hell on the basis of their beliefs.
A few years after college I relocated to Atlanta and was soon in a committed relationship. He was raised a United Methodist. We tried to find a church home, but due to his reluctance to being "out," we were not able to attend on a regular basis and soon abandoned the idea totally. After our break up, I began to rebuild my life. I tried the Church of Religious Science. While feeding my battered self-esteem, I missed the deeper relationship with God that I experienced while attending a more mainstream denomination.
A few months later, I was invited to sing in the choir at St. Mark United Methodist Church in midtown Atlanta. I reluctantly agreed to go since I had nothing to lose. What a surprise to find a community of believers whose pastor was straight, but who welcomed the community around them. I began to experience the love of Christ again. What a concept to know that God loves me as I am and that I can be of service to my community and church and not be in conflict with either. I am now the Chancel Choir President and also a member of the Administrative Council, the governing body of the church.
Over the last 6 years, I have watched a church of 400 members, grow to over 1500 members. Most are gay, but many are not. I have seen straight senior citizens who have attended this church for over 50 years hand out water at the annual Pride Parade which passes by the church each year. They have gladly opened the doors to "their church" to those around them. In addition, many members of our congregation are involved in Human Rights Campaign Fund and the Georgia Equality Project. Part of this year's St. Mark
UMC Pride Celebration even included a speech by the Georgia Secretary of State, Kathy Cox, a devout United Methodist.
Even though the United Methodist church as a whole has not openly embraced the GLBT community, this church has. Each week, I see the love of Christ permeate the lives of those around me. In a community that is wrapped up in outward appearances and circuit parties, I have found a group of people committed to being more to the world. I have seen family units of all types welcomed and appreciated for their diversity. I feel blessed to be associated with this church and the people in it.
Thanks for the opportunity to share some good news in our community.
David L. McFadden
Still Struggling
This is such a hard subject. I finally understood that I was struggling with my religion and homosexuality, not God. But it still hurts the same. I have a very supportive Pastor, one I thank God for everyday. She doesn't understand it, but accepts me and that's what I need. My spirituality and God are so important to me. They are what get me through the day and into the next. Because they are so important and I need the support of my church, at this point in my life, I'm staying closeted at church. One day, maybe it won't be looked down upon. United Methodists don't consider it a sin which is one step up for me. But my life isn't my sexuality, my life is for God. That's my choice right now at age18. It's not the best choice for everyone, but for me it is. God has his own plan, what doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger. My only suggestion is, if you are fighting this, don't let it kill you. There's a reason God wants you to be stronger. I'm not "ex-gay," I'll still continue to date, but I won't be out at church. I'm happy, I can lead both lives separately ... it hurts sometimes when I just want to bring them both together and can't. When I want to share God with the one I love and share them with my church but can't. In my spirituality, I'm so happy. I have so much to hang onto, to lose that would take a big part of me out and that would kill me. Yes, I could change churches, but that's like changing schools after so many years. You accept those for their faults and strengths, even if they can't accept you. Maybe I can be what makes them see, maybe I will just continue to cower. I do not know. I have so much respect for those who are fighting this and other battles.
Anon.
Holy Union
I guess Ray and I need to thank God that He or She directed us to a wonderful church. We had only been together for a couple of weeks when Ray asked me to go to the church of his childhood with him for a Christmas Eve Service. We were both raised United Methodist and feel very strongly that the United Methodist Church was for us. The minister who Ray had met only once came out and greeted him and welcomed me to the church. We decided to return to the church for a Sunday service and were welcomed with open arms. There is another gay couple in the church who had sort of set the tone for us.
After being together for a couple of months we decided we wanted to cement our relationship with a Holy Union. When we spoke with our minister he had to inform us that the United Methodist religion would not allow a same-sex union but he would be happy to allow us to use the church for a reception. It was fairly difficult finding a church and minister we were happy with to perform the union, however we were very lucky and found a
retired gay Presbyterian minister and a beautiful church in which to have the ceremony. We were united a year and a half after our first date.
We have both remained very active in our United Methodist congregation. Ray is the head of the pastor/parish council, and I am the president of the board of trustees. We are both on the administrative council and both active in the choir. Ray recently had input in selecting a new minister to replace the wonderful minister who had brought us back into the fold and our new minister is wonderful and accepting. The church has had a very big part in our lives together and we are very happy to have been welcomed with open arms into a
very loving, welcoming church. We both thank God daily for the acceptance and love he/she has shown us in our relationship and in our spiritual journey.
Dave
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