Episcopalian Stories
Know Yourself
I am a gay man living in a small conservative town in Central Pennsylvania and I have found a way for myself to keep my spirituality intact. I am an Episcopalian (Roman Catholic by birth, Episcopalian for 3/4 of my life) who is not closeted and serves on the Vestry (the elected governing board) of my church. My community is that of only 7,000 people. It is a very republican, conservative, but very beautiful small town which lies in the central Susquehanna Valley region of Pennsylvania. My priest has always been supportive of my being gay.
When I was 22 and sat down to tell my mother (whom I adore) that I was gay, she cut me off at the knees and said, "I love you more than anything in this world, but I can't love you if you're gay...because you will go to hell." I cried for hours later that night and called my priest the next morning. He called my mother, asked her out to lunch and proceeded to tell her that "If your son is going to hell, we all better pack our bags since we will be going too."
Through this, my faith, and my strength grew stronger. I became even more active in the church and began to make my voice heard. I stand up against prejudice or inequality of any kind. I support full inclusion in the church. I support gay marriage, as long as the couple are willing to suffer the legal and moral consequences involved in divorce. I support openly gay priests.
I believe that God has made me the unique, wonderful, loving person that I am and his plan for me is to love and be loved. I try very hard to show love to all people whenever possible and to support all those who are prejudiced against. Being a Christian means to be Christ-like -- that means to love, not hate.
In order to find and keep your spirituality, you must first get to know yourself. Be able to open yourself up to loving others and to doing what is right for you, for mankind, and for God.
Anon.
Dressed-Up Unitarians
I am an active participant in the Episcopal Church and have found a good spiritual home in the Diocese of California (San Francisco). Bishop Swing (Rt. Rev. William E. Swing) has ordained and, even more importantly, hired, more openly gay clerics than anyone in the
U.S. Same Sex union blessings are routine.
However, because of the loosey-goosey nature of Anglicanism (you can believe in just about anything you want...sometimes we are called Unitarians who get dressed up), there are Dioceses that are less welcoming for gays. There is no national policy. So you have to
check out each Bishop and Parish before making a decision to participate. Many in the South (there are 190 Dioceses in the U.S.) are very homophobic and run by homophobic Bishops.
Our recent national convention, shows how difficult it is for the Episcopal Church, which is structured without strong central authority, to make decisions on important issues of faith. On gay issues, we sidestepped everyone of them, pro or con.
John
Brothers and Sisters
I am an active member of the Episcopal Church. I serve as a member of my parish vestry and as a lay Eucharistic minister and am involved in all aspects of our parish's life. I always start from the idea that God loves me. Once you realize that, any negativity you might feel becomes meaningless. One woman in my church told me she "disagrees with certain societal lifestyles involving homosexuality." My response is that while I respect her right to state her opinion, Jesus Christ will ultimately judge us all one day. I am perfectly willing to let Him be the judge of my life. I think it has been a good life, one that involves the love of all people in all their diversity. This woman's judgement of me is meaningless. "Let's leave the final judgement to Jesus," I told her, "after all, He's much better qualified." A true Christian seeks to find the incarnation of Jesus, and the love he bore for all humanity, in each human being. This is the way I seek to live my life. My church -- its liturgy, prayer book, sacraments, and worship -- is dear to me beyond everything. I believe that the presence of gay and lesbian people in our churches is part of God's purpose for all . It is a reminder to our straight brothers and sisters that of all the teachings of Jesus, the commandment to love is the "greatest of these."
Brian
Minority Within a Minority
I'm an almost 30 year-old out lesbian and a Christian who tries to live out my baptismal covenant on a daily basis to the best of my ability. Some days I do a good job of it, other days I fall short. For me, my struggle is with being a minority within a minority.
I don't know why, but I just never felt like God didn't love me because I was a lesbian. I must not have been paying attention during those Sunday morning sermons growing up when it may have been discussed. Maybe it's because I didn't start to deal with my true sexual identity until I was 25. I have never, ever felt bad about being a dyke.
My earliest experiences were in the Southern Baptist and Pentecostal churches, certainly not hotbeds of liberalism by ANY means. Later, my family became Catholic, a faith I took to with incredible ease. Looking back on it now, I sensed that so many of the priests and nuns I knew were gay, that I just kind of accepted it. I guess I had gaydar from a very young age.
My 20s were a tremendous period of disillusionment for me. My problems were never with God. It was His Christians who tested my patience with their man-made rules. It has always made me sad to see Christians who refuse to see that homophobia and sexism are every bit as sinful as racism and anti-Semitism.
Through a series of interesting life events I am now a very happy Episcopalian. For me, the Episcopal church has embraced me in a way that no other denomination has. While I respect others' need either to belong to a major denomination, or a non-denominational denomination, or to no denomination at all, I feel the need to connect myself to a larger church family. The Episcopal church is by no means perfect, but that's OK with me. I am willing to work for change. Everyone does not have to think the same way I do, but they do have to respect me.
It's interesting, in my last relationship my girlfriend wanted to go to a "gay" church. I have always resisted going to any church where there is too much homogeneity. I do not mean to offend anyone, and I certainly do understand why many gays and lesbians feel the need to worship in an exclusively gay community, but I do not like the thought of compartmentalizing myself in such a way. How can I expect the larger community to change its views about homosexuality if I am not willing to stand up and be who I am in the middle of them? Somebody has to set the example and I am willing for it to be me. As I do not immediately appear to fit the lesbian stereotypes we all are familiar with, it is much harder for the uninformed straight community to dismiss me. Once they know me as an out-and-happy gay Christian they can never completely go back to their previous ways of thinking.
Truth be told, the hardest thing about being a gay Christian is dealing with the biases of my non-Christian gay community. I really do feel like a minority within a minority. I almost never talk about my religious life with my gay and lesbian friends because it is so stigmatizing. I don't know what to say without coming off as sounding hokey, so I say very, very little. I can talk to many of them about the most personal aspects of my sex life, but
if I talk to them about my relationship with God, many of their faces drain of color and they start to fidget, much like my relatives do when I talk about the new woman in my life. Many do not treat me with the same closeness once they find out I go to church of my own volition on a regular basis. It's kind of like being between a rock and a hard place. I have to come out to the straight community about being a lesbian, and I have to come out to the gay community about being a Christian. Many times, neither group knows what to make of me.
Very truly yours,
Julia L. Maddox
Happy in New Jersey
My partner and I have had a wonderful experience of welcome in our church, an Episcopal church in Montclair, New Jersey. As a lesbian couple we were at first quite nervous about how people in the church would respond to us. The idea of full acceptance by any religious organization was a foreign concept to me. I joked with the priest that we might just hang out on the front porch for awhile, and she said we can stay out there as long as we like.
We didn't spend much time on the porch, though. Within a month I was asked to help the youth group with an art project, and within six months I became the co-leader of the youth group. My partner serves on the governing board of the church. I have been asked to deliver a sermon next month.
I read recently about a lesbian in Colorado who was fired from her job as youth group leader in an Episcopal church because she had a celebration of union with her partner. It broke my heart to see that the spirit of love and acceptance we have experienced has eluded other churches in our denomination. The Episcopal church is moving forward at times in great leaps but more often in baby steps, with occasional slips backwards. I struggled
with being confirmed in the denomination because it isn't as far along as I would like it to be. But I realized my faith was bigger than the prejudice of others. Change is difficult for everybody, but it is also an exciting time, and I am being challenged to learn how to love and respect people I disagree with. It is very difficult for me. But a necessary step in turning
debate into dialogue.
Coming out, for me, was part of facing the truth about myself in order to seek truth outside of myself. Being a lesbian is central to my spirituality simply because I don't think we can embark on a spiritual journey without being willing to know ourselves.
There are only six openly gay parishioners in my church, a tiny minority by far, but we have become part of this big family. It is a place where we can ask the hard questions about who we are and who God is, while finding compassion, love and support. I am an artist, and for the first time I have found a place where the practice of my spirituality and the creative process are bridged. I am recognized for who I am, a whole person with many facets.
In the denomination's baptism covenant, the people are asked by the leader "Will you strive for justice and peace among people, and respect the dignity of every human being?" We have found a place of justice and peace, where our dignity is respected.
Gayle Mahoney
St. John's Episcopal Church, Montclair, NJ
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