John Smid
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PlanetOut: Could you provide the short rundown on Love in Action?
John Smid: LIA was founded in 1973 by Frank Worthen. Frank had become a Christian and felt very strongly led to
leave homosexuality. When
he found that that was possible, he recognized that there might be other people who wanted to be free like he was and leave
their
homosexuality behind. So he began advertising and letting people know that he was available for that kind of ministry and
support. It was
through the response that he got that LIA really got off the ground.
PlanetOut: How would you describe the goal of LIA?
JS: Our mission statement is "The mission of Love in Action is to communicate a message of hope and to impart
courage to a world facing
homosexuality and its subsequent issues. We believe that finding freedom in Jesus Christ is God's love in action." So we
incorporate that
mission into helping people who have homosexual loved ones and any other subsequent issues that may be tied into it.
PlanetOut: What do you mean by "subsequent issues"?
JS: Questions that arise in our culture, in churches, in our family and friends. The way that homosexuality impacts
families, friends, people that
you work with. The subsequent issues might be, for example, parents wearing an inappropriate shame about having
homosexual loved ones.
PlanetOut: How large an organization is LIA?
JS: We've had around 250 people come through our residential program since 1986. The program itself is 20 years
old.
PlanetOut: How would you describe the typical person who comes to you? Why and how have they found their way to
you?
JS: Most people that call us or come to our offices have spiritual or religious conviction. Most of them are in conflict
about homosexuality -- how it
impacts their life. And they have questions. They are searching for a resolution to that conflict. A person who comes into our
residential
program is strongly convinced that their homosexuality is not in agreement with their understanding of Scripture.
PlanetOut: When people like that come to you, what is the course of treatment? What exactly happens?
JS: Our residential program is very much a discipleship program. That means that although homosexuality is the main
reason that person has
contacted us, when they come into our program, we really help them with multiple facets of their life. If they're struggling with
getting a job,
maintaining a job, or being out of control financially, we'll help them with making budgets. We might work with them in their
relationships with
their family members. We try to achieve good, healthy relationships between parents, children, and siblings. We help them
reconcile
relationships that may be unhealthy or harmful in their communications. So really, the homosexuality is only a part of what we
help them with.
As far as the actual homosexuality goes, we help them with structure to eliminate homosexual behavior from their life so they
can look at other
factors without that confusion.
PlanetOut: So is the goal to eliminate the behavior or the underlying urges?
JS: The goal would be to eliminate the underlying urges. But at the beginning of the program, we're not to that point.
We're just helping them to
live free of the behavior so their minds can be clear enough to think through where they are. I would say that the overwhelming
majority of
people who come to us are clearly sexually addicted, meaning they are out of control sexually. They are engaging in
anonymous sexual
behavior or extremely emotionally dependent relationships to the point where they're out of control. Most of the people that
come to us are
struggling with pretty extreme addictive behaviors.
PlanetOut: So what is done to treat that?
JS: We have several group meetings a week that they attend. They do have one-on-one meetings with a counselor
on staff. We also all work
under the supervision of a clinical psychologist. And in the residence there are relationships with the other clients and house
managers there.
We use a number of different models.
PlanetOut: Once you get past controlling the behavior, what can be done to change someone's underlying sexual
urges? A lot of people are fairly
skeptical that you can up and say one day, "I'm not going to be attracted to someone of the same sex anymore."
JS: What we really find is that once the behavior is set aside, a lot of other underlying feelings come up: intense
shame, inadequacy, jealousy.
At times we experience the feelings from abuse. We experience unhealthy ways of perceiving one's identity and one's value.
Those feelings
come up to the surface, and that's what we deal with. We find that a lot of addictive behavior is motivated by intensely low
self-esteem, an
inappropriate assessment of how they feel about themselves. Once they learn to process their feelings and communicate more
effectively with
their loved ones, be more appropriate in the stewardship of their lives, we find that a lot of those sexual urges diminish. We
don't try to stomp
them out; they just go away. And as they feel better about themselves, as they achieve more healthy, supportive, and honest
relationships both
with the same sex and the opposite sex, a lot of the homosexual urges diminish. They just diminish.
PlanetOut: And are they replaced by heterosexual urges?
JS: They're replaced by healthy relationships. Sometimes, yes, heterosexual urges. Many people that go through our
program eventually will
discover an attraction or desire for the potential of marriage and family. And then that's a whole other part of the process where
they work
through what that looks like, what that could be in their lives.
PlanetOut: It sounds to me like you're drawing a connection between being screwed up in a whole lot of ways and
being gay. And once you become a
better person on those fronts, then suddenly you're no longer gay. Some people might be offended by that connection.
JS: I'm saying that a good number of the people that come to us are sexually addicted, meaning they are completely
out of control sexually. I'm
certainly aware that there may be people out there who may be homosexually oriented who don't have out-of-control lives. So
I'm not
associating it with being gay; I'm associating it with the people we work with. I personally believe that any homosexual behavior
is not in God's
plan for his people. But I'm not necessarily equating being gay with having an out-of-control, screwed-up life.
PlanetOut: Is therapy the only course of treatment?
JS: We do use a 12-step structure as a part of what we do. It's a good structure to evaluate a person's life. So we use
the tools of the 12-step
to evaluate their life and relationships. We also utilize local churches. We have three different ones here in Memphis that our
clients attend.
PlanetOut: How big a role does religion play in the treatment?
JS: It's the core. It's the center. We're conservative, Biblical Christians.
PlanetOut: So what is wrong with homosexuality? Why is it not proper or approved of?
JS: I hang that on my interpretation of Scripture, which does not allow for any sexual relationship outside of
heterosexual marriage.
Homosexual, heterosexual -- it doesn't matter. There's only one form of sanctified sexuality with another person, and that's
within holy matrimony
with the opposite sex. Anything outside of that falls short and has the possibility of damaging a person spiritually, emotionally,
physically. It just
doesn't work. It's not the way he designed us. I take that spiritual conviction and I recognize that two men are not designed to
sexually interact
with one another. They can find ways to do it, but that's not really the design. It's not the way God designed us emotionally
and psychologically.
PlanetOut: How long are people in the residential program?
JS: They have to complete five phases, and every phase takes a certain amount of time to complete. It depends on
the individual client -- what
struggles they have and what they're working through. We find that the average stay is typically around two years.
PlanetOut: Two years living full-time in the residential facility?
JS: Yes.
PlanetOut: Is it your sense that after this time, these people become more or less heterosexual?
JS: What we find is that those who complete the program develop relationships that do not include homosexual sex,
that do not include
emotionally dependent or erotic connections with the same sex. And many of them do progress towards heterosexuality. We've
had numbers of
people who've been married and gone on to have families and to be very at peace with the choices they've made.
PlanetOut: You mentioned helping families deal with the shame they feel about homosexuality. What do you do for
them?
JS: We work through a very similar program called "Radical Living" -- only it's not residential. It's a support group
structure. What we help them to
do is transfer the main focus off of their kid and onto themselves. They all come to the group with the motivation that they want
to fix their kid, to
eradicate the homosexuality. Well, we help them to understand that they don't have any choice in the matter. Their children do
what they want
to do. Then we help the parent to get healthier -- to learn how to communicate appropriately, to learn how to communicate
what they're thinking,
how they feel.
PlanetOut: If I'm a gay parent who is feeling shame for my gay child, won't going to a ministry that affirms that
homosexuality is wrong actually
increase my shame, rather than make me feel better about it?
JS: It actually does the opposite. Parents who come to us are conservative Christians, and the shame that they feel
surrounds their perception
that they'll be rejected in their churches or they'll be rejected by other family members if they know that they have a gay kid.
Through the
program they learn to release that shame and to get to the place where they can talk about having a gay kid and not feel
ashamed about that. Even though they might not agree with the kid's
choices, they no longer carry the shame of what they choose to do.
PlanetOut: What does a parent feel after therapy when they tell someone that their child is gay?
JS: The shame is attached to their taking on all the responsibility for their kid's homosexuality. They believe other
people will think they were
a bad parent because of it. After therapy, they realize that the choice their child makes is not necessarily a reflection of their
parenting. And
that a child is now an adult, and the choices they make are their choices, their responsibilities. So the parent can stand up and
say, "I have a
gay kid, and his choices are his choices. It's not really about me. I'm not going to carry it anymore. If there are any mistakes I
made as a parent,
I will own up to them and make amends. But that in and of itself did not cause my kid to be gay." What I tell the parents right
off the bat is "You
don't have enough power to create a gay child, so don't pride yourself."
PlanetOut: One other perception in the gay community is that people who go through gay therapy may no longer act
on homosexual desires, and may
no longer self-identify as gay. But they haven't really changed how they feel. They're living lives of self-denial in the sense that
they won't own
up to how they actually feel.
JS: People who are experiencing it the way you are describing it -- if they are miserable and dissatisfied in their
recovery -- typically do not
stay there. They will more than likely go back to gay behavior. So the ones who are the success stories are the ones who
actually find
satisfaction and serenity in being free from their homosexuality. There are certainly those like you described who don't find the
change that they
had hoped for. But there are also those who do find the freedom they had hoped for. It's the same as it is for any kind of
treatment --
whether it's a doctor's office, or a psychologist or psychiatrist. You're always going to have a continuum of outcomes. What we
find is that
there's enough positive outcome that we feel that what we're doing is valid and needed.
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