Visible Man
Jamison Green offers a man's POV on life in the trans lane. Opinion,
advice, and information from an internationally respected leader of the
FTM community.
Let the Buyer Beware!
While waiting for surgery day, or perhaps while deciding whether one
wants to
have surgery at all, many transmen prefer to pack. In some
neighborhoods,
packing means carrying a gun or other concealed weapon, but for
transmen, and
plenty of lesbians, too, packing means stuffing one's pants with some
kind of
penis substitute, for looks, sex play, or both.
Most transmen don't want a stiff dildo in their pants. Unless it's a
special
occasion, they generally want something that's going to look and feel
like a
realistic basket, and that means an ordinary sex toy, large and rigid,
isn't going to work.
A few vendors have tried to create and market custom-made prosthetic
devices,
and some people have found these products highly satisfactory. But too
often
people have scraped together the $400 to $800 required for these
specialized
products only to be disappointed. Then they complain to everyone who
will
listen, including FTM International, from whose Resource Guide or
newsletter
they found out about the product, asking that no further
advertisements or information be carried about the vendor in an effort
to
prevent others from being similarly burned.
FTM International prefaces its Resource Guide listings with the
following
statement: "As you use this Guide, please note that a listing herein
does not
constitute an endorsement by FTMI. The decision to use any product or
patronize any service or provider rests with the consumer." If a
personal
endorsement of any product was published in any FTMI publication, that
endorsement was the opinion of the writer, not of FTMI. FTM
International
has consistently advised all transmen and their allies to remember that
each
person's experience is their own, and one man's success with any service
or
product may not always be easily replicated by others. FTM
International's
policy with respect to product or service listings is that nothing goes
in
unless it is favorably recommended by an FTM consumer. If the
predominant
response to any service or product is negative, it will cease to be
listed.
FTMI cannot be held responsible for any listed service provider's or
product's failure to perform to the expectations of consumers. FTM
International does not have any control over the products, the services,
nor
the expectations involved. This applies equally to the results that
might be
obtained from any surgical procedure or from any sex toy or pants
stuffer.
All that said, I am personally saddened whenever I hear that FTMs have
lost
money or have been dissatisfied with the products they've purchased.
What
makes me saddest of all is the overwhelming sense of deja vu I get as I
read
the complaint letters people publish on the Internet or send to me or
FTM International. It's a scenario that happens repeatedly. Recently
some
people have been unhappy with an Australian provider's services, but
about
six years ago it was a man from the San Francisco area who was
attempting to
manufacture a product that would allow the consumer to have a
good-looking
basket, urinate while standing, and use the same device for sex. As
usual,
some people were happy and some weren't. I was caught in the
middle, with his customers complaining to me and him arguing that
all he was trying to do was help people. But as I told him: they sent
their
money, and they felt cheated. He needed to give their money back, he
needed
to do a better job with the product, or he needed to stop trying to give
hope
to people where there was none. Instead, this manufacturer's response
was to
produce testimonial letters from satisfied customers. Heated exchanges
were
published in the readers' forum in the quarterly FTM Newsletter,
and
ultimately I (as editor at the time) declared we wouldn't publish any
more
vindictive attacks or defensive replies, since it wasn't getting us
anywhere.
Eventually he stopped talking to me and went out of business. But
that didn't make it right for those whose pockets had been emptied, or
whose
hopes had been dashed.
Unfortunately, this is the reality of the free marketplace. One puts
out a
product, and it either works and people like it, or it doesn't and they
don't. Unfortunately, again, people have to try it to find out they
don't
like it. It is sad when it happens to us (from either the providing or
consuming side), and doubly sad when it happens to people who are
struggling
economically. What must be done? Share the stories and be specific
about
the problems and your expectations so that people can learn from the
past and from the experience of others. Blaming the messenger (the
source of
an advertisement or an opinion) doesn't help solve the problem; it only
makes
people feel like they shouldn't share any information or opinions. And
if
that happens we'll all suffer for the lack of exchange, and the wheel
will
have to be reinvented over and over. When people experience
difficulties,
all that the rest of us can do is be supportive, help facilitate the
discussion, and continue trying to advise people about their options and
about having realistic expectations from any part of this process.
Meanwhile, there are inexpensive and creative solutions to the packing
dilemma. Ftminfo has information on a $10
"packy" that many people find does the trick. Guys have made realistic
baskets out of condoms and hair gel. Two different men in Texas produce
alternative devices that are reasonably priced. People at Vixen, one of
the dildo manufacturers that distributes through Good Vibrations, has been
working with members the San Francisco FTM community off and on for
years trying to come up with products to meet the various needs of "penisless
men."
And the staff at Good Vibrations is very FTM-sensitive and helpful, so
it is possible to talk with them about options they may carry. But as with
surgery (so far), prosthetics all leave something to be desired. There
are tradeoffs to be made, because no single device has (yet) been able to
meet all the requirements that we'd like to make of our natural bodies. But
then nontranssexual men often have similar problems! We all have to
learn to adapt and to accept our limitations.
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