True Dating Confessions: Coming Out About Barry

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What was your coming-out affair like?
"It was a continuous process, first to my best friend (straight), who just hugged me ant told me it was good to know and were we still going to be playing racket ball together? I then told my Dad after he asked (during my 18th year) who I was bringing home for Thanksgiving dinner. I told him I was bringing my friend... Barry.

My dad then wanted to know the nature of our relationship. It was then that I explained "Barry and I spend a lot of time together. He has a one bedroom apartment and sometimes I sleep over and I don't sleep on the sofa". Dad took a stiff drink and said, 'let's go tell your Mother.'"

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Comments

[BRIAN JERNIGAN]

I LOVE IT! I NEVER TOLD MY FATHER, HE DIED BEFORE I CAME OUT. WHILE MY MOTHER WAS VISITING AND I WAS READY TO INTRODUCE SOMEONE TO HER, I FIXED US BOTH A BIG DRINK AND STARTED A FIRE(IN THE FIREPLACE). SHE TOOK IT BETTER THAN I THOUGHT AND SAID SHE SUSPECTED IT.

[carrotcart]

Are you kidding me? Tell my parents I'm a queer? Let's visit the real world for a moment, shall we? I read that some people have warm and fuzzy parents who accept whomever they may be. Must be nice. My stepfather would have cut off all contact and kept me from ever seeing my mother again. My mother would simply have gone into denial and rationalized why I never called or visited any more. Never having to deal with my stepfather again would have been an absolute delight. I always felt like I had to protect my mother from him, a futile effort, so not seeing her would have been very difficult for both of us. Why make a barely-tolerable situation unbearable?

[Trey Van Riper]

I'm one of the lucky ones. My parents and my partner's parents both know, and we're part of each other's family (working on 12 years now, we're both in our 40s).

I was in denial throughout my childhood and only came out to myself after having joined the Army and read a Newsweek article on someone's coming-out experience.

As soon as I came out to myself, I called my parents and sister, and came out to them. I wanted to live my life openly and honestly (something I couldn't quite finish doing until after I left the Army). I had decided if my folks couldn't accept me for who I am, completely, then I would forge my own way, and create my own family.

They already knew, perversely, but felt I had to sort it out for myself. I think my stepmother had a problem with it, but she kept it mostly to herself. She isn't much of a part of my life anymore (my father divorced her quite a long time later). My sister and I still enjoy holidays together (I live far from my folks, making it difficult to visit).

Coming out to my relatively estranged mother was actually kind of bizarre. She invited me to visit in South Boston, where I met her openly gay roommate and some of her other decidedly-not-straight friends. Frankly, for a straight woman, she out-gayed me (which would not have been terribly difficult back then).

I think my partner's mother was none too happy about it at first, but eventually settled into it. By the time we met, she must have come to terms with it, as she was quite kind to me. We get along very well. His brother comes with his family to visit occasionally, just to show how much of it is a non-issue in my partner's family. His father is not a part of his life.

I sincerely wish all gays and lesbians could have parents as accepting as ours. It makes the holidays so much more fun. It also provides a funny kind of pressure; my sister would kill me if I ever left my partner, as much as she loves him, and I think my father wouldn't be too happy with me, either.