Should Closeted Gays Be Exposed?

A few of the stories in the recent posts highlighted how individuals were outed to help them in the coming out process: friends and/or family members told other people to "help them along." To someone in the closet regarding his or her sexual orientation, the biggest fear is the exposure of the secret. This is known as "being outed.” Simply the fear of being outed has sent more than a few individuals back into the closet.

The rise of outing people partially occurred in the 1980s in response to the AIDS epidemic, particularly when "closeted" individuals worked against the best interests of the LGBT community.

Much of the current debate, and one which the paparazzi feeds on, is the fascination the general public has with people's sexuality. Adam Lambert is a very recent example of this. Throughout his time on "American Idol" questions about his sexuality were raised not only on individual blogs but also in the mainstream press. The recent Rolling Stones article highlights the culmination of the process where Adam Lambert responds to the ongoing reaction. The dilemma raises the question of whether or not a public person like this has a "right" to privacy.

The biggest reason against outing others is their right to privacy. When a person is outed his or her privacy and freedom to chose the method of coming out is violated. In the first article in this series, I highlighted how the coming out process is a personal process that should reflect the individual’s needs. Outing ruptures this process and can interfere with his or her personal growth.

One of the justifications for outing people, so the argument goes, is because of hypocrisy. For example, in 2006, Ted Haggert was publically outed for same-sex behavior with a sex worker. At the same time, Ted Haggert was the senior pastor at a fundamentalist church that was outspokenly anti-gay and openly hostile to the gay community. The argument is that because of the hypocrisy, he deserved to be outed. Haggert is but one example, and the list could continue.

What are you opinions about outing people? Have you been outed? What was the outcome?

(Photo: Getty Images)

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Dr. Weston Edwards is a psychologist licensed by the Minnesota Board of Psychology. He specializes in individual, couple and group counseling and has specific experiences working with sexuality, spirituality, chemical dependency and mental-health issues. He is in private practice at the Sexual Health Institute Dr. Edwards is also on staff at the Pride Institute providing sexuality and chemical dependency treatment for the LGBT community. His first book “Living a Life I Love™: Healing sexual compulsivity, sexual addiction, sexual avoidance and other sexual concerns is now available. You can also reach him on Twitter at @wedwardsphd.

This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to serve as medical advice. The information provided should not be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease. It is not a substitute for professional care. If you have or suspect you may have a health problem, you should consult your health care provider.

Comments

[Michael]

Outing is a difficult subject to contend with. If someone wants to protect their dying mother from a shock, it has to be up to that person to decide which decision is better for everyone involved. If they are in the military, remaining in the closet is essential for keeping a job.

At the same time, some people just need to be pushed. The more people who are out, the better. And as Harvey Milk said, privacy is the enemy. (At least as far as this is concerned.)

[Michael]

I forgot to note that I was outed after leaving the military. My old office-mates responded to a call from my parents and told them the real reason I got out, which was supposed to be illegal. I had no intention of talking to my parents anyway, so it hasn't really affected me. Still, it is worrisome.

Also, the paper that certifies a civilian was actually in the military will mention something about homosexuality. It will either say homosexual conduct or homosexual admission as the reason for leaving. Since this is the paper which proves to an employer that an individual was in the military, this is more than a little annoying...

[Michael]

I forgot to note that I was outed after leaving the military. My old office-mates responded to a call from my parents and told them the real reason I got out, which was supposed to be illegal. I had no intention of talking to my parents anyway, so it hasn't really affected me. Still, it is worrisome.

Also, the paper that certifies a civilian was actually in the military will mention something about homosexuality. It will either say homosexual conduct or homosexual admission as the reason for leaving. Since this is the paper which proves to an employer that an individual was in the military, this is more than a little annoying...

[StephenD]

The decision to stay in the closet is a very personal one, which belongs to the individual closeted man or woman, including politicians and church leaders. He/She should certainly be encouraged to come out, but the decision is his or hers to make. We need to respect that.

That being said, I would not hesitate to out a homophobic leader who uses their position to harm me. People, when attacked, have a right to self defense and sometimes, a counter offense is the best defense. A Nation has the right to be left alone, but if that nation wages war against our nation, a counter attack on that nation would be a very good self defense. Likewise, if a closeted homophobe is inciting against gays or attacking the rights of gays, it is pure self defense to expose the hypocrit for what he or she is.

[Jeff]

In 1980, this would be an awkward scenario, however, this is 2009, and anyone "hiding" their sexuality is just Draconian. Do you REALLY think no one knows ? My bestfriend and his partner have been together 16 years and still, at Thanksgiving and X-mas,Dave goes to his parents without Rick. Rick is thought of as a "roomate". Please, after 16 years together, bought a house together in '98, do they really think two guys in their '40's are just roomates ? It's another thing I hate about the gay census, many gays still do not report that they are gay or in a same-sex relationship. How are we ever to get accurate numbers if people lie ? I understand the whole shame thing,but would you not feel better being true to yourself; shame is really a thing of the past, most people know a gay person, 6 states have legal gay marriage, if you don't do it now, then when ?

[Bob]

WOULDN'T IT BE NICE?

No "Polite Charades", as posted by Jeff, which belong far back in the 20th Century. Some would say the lying was selfish, and unhealthy for the inevitable Gay cousins, nieces & nephews, etc.)

No "Hey, folks, he is a queer and we want to mess with him",
as in Michael's case.

No "Only go after the worst", as Stephen writes. If that public official promotes the status quo (thus condones homophobia)in order to look better--- try to reason with them, then screw 'em!

OUTING SHOULD NOT BE VINDICTIVE -- it is like any other form of getting into someone else's business. You need to be on firm ground with your integrity in doing it.

[Jon]

Coming out is a personal choice and best left to each individual. Just as we don't want other people invading OUR bedrooms, we have no right to invade someone else's--and people do still have reasons why they need to keep their sexuality to themselves. It's not for us to judge.

At the same time, we can certainly encourage people and try to provide a positive environment in which they feel safe enough to be open with their sexuality. Obviously, the larger our voice becomes, the better, but we need to build it in a responsible way.

And I do agree that if there is real evidence that someone engaging in active homophobic behavior is actually closeted, well, they forfeited their right to privacy when they went public. You can't have it both ways.

[Chris]

I have very strong opinion on this subject, i'm not going to rant about it. But I will say that the gay world needs to take a look at it's self. A hard look. The whole world is't gay and never was. It it were, nobody would be here. Think about it! There is alot of preasure in today's socities to be gay, when in fact somebody may not be. I seriously do question the true sexuality of most homosexuals. I seriously do not believe they are gay but a pawn in a social chess game.

[J]

I'm seriously gay chris I have been my whole life nobody pressured me to be gay in fact I was pressured to be straight not so much by my family but by my community and church I came out because I wanted to nobody forced me. That being said people have a right to come out to when they want and to whom they want. I'm a person being gay is part of my life but it doesn't define me as an individual.

[Joe]

Outting someone as a rule is never right. This is something that is personal and I have a right to decide how I handle my personal life, not someone else.

I will say when a preacher is preaching one thing but something else is going on privately, I can see an arguement but still, right is right, wrong is wrong.

We want people to stay out of our bedrooms. How about following your own declaration, stay out of my bedroom.

[wilma]

The next thing will be asked is are you a top or bottom dummy up!

[Mike K., Albuquerque, NM]

If folks want or Need or feel the that Closted is best for them -- it is THEIR choice.

[Mike R., Miami Beach]

Actually being 'out' seems to be the ludicrous side of the gay community. Since when is it necessary, or shows any dignity, to have to display what gender you enjoy behind closed doors?

Gay men should be FREE to live just as they want. If we feel it necessary to make a biological determination at birth into a civil right then that is not even logical. All it does is marginalize the gay community.

Yes, I realize this is not the standard argument. But, I have rarely seen a more self-centered and less compassionate group of people to this point in my life. I'm 26 and don't feel any need to either hide nor broadcast my sexual preferences.

And for those who want to 'out' others...then where do we stop? How about we require all those with large credit card and educational loans to wear a sign before they walk into a bank, real estate open house or car dealership?! Being 'out' has been 'sold' to the gullible in the gay community.

For all of those who 'scream for civil rights' ... try to understand that your greatest freedom is to live as you want to...in freedom. The majority rules...so quit complaining. We win some and we lose some...we should not whine when we lose. Enjoy your life my friend and don't worry about being 'out' or 'in'. It's no-ones business but your own. :)

[Will]

Wow, Chris!! Thanks for pointing out the reason more of us need to come out. You clearly need a better understanding of what it means to be gay and if you had a gay friend or two they might help you figure out just how your comments are misguided and do not represent reality.

[Steve]

What an idiotic sense of entitlement! How can ANYONE think that it is OK to out someone else. I am a happily "out" guy. My partner and I have been together for over 8 years. My brother "outed" me to my parents 7.5 years ago and they disowned me. It has taken the past 7.5 years for my parents to accept me for who I am and for the first time my mom visited last week.

Each individual MUST come to his/her own terms with his/her sexuality on his/her own time (or not). But how dare I, or anyone else, force someone else out? I will gladly offer support, advice, and encouragement to anyone wanting to make the transition out of the closet. I am of the opinion that self-righteous people are more of a problem than those holding values, family and yes even fears more dear to their hearts. IF you believe that someone should be "out", offer support, love, and CREDIBLE advice. Advice is NOT credible when one pushes one's own agenda rather than the agenda of the person to whom they are providing the advice.

I'm ready for equal rights and gay agenda, but not at someone else's expense. Haven't we all paid enough for these rights without pillaging and plundering eachother's privacy? For what it's worth!

[J]

No one should be "outed". It is a personal decision that people should handle their way and at their own pace. However, if someone is outing others to deflect attention from their own gayness then hell yes. Their may be other circumstances like saving the life of someone really struggling with the issue BUT overall the decision should be left to the person who has to live with the aftermath.

[Rob]

I can't believe this is even being discussed. Someone's sexuality is THEIR BUSINESS and NO ONE ... absolutely NO ONE ... has the right to out any individual if it is their choice to remain in the closet. I can't believe the "mightier than thou" comments coming from some people on here that somehow being in the closet is wrong or unacceptable. Who the hell do you people think you are??? If coming out was great for you ... CONGRATULATIONS and more power to you but don't you dare stick your nose into my personal affairs and make any demands on my own personal choice.

[FW]

Steve, very well-said. I agree . . . and I don't understand where some get this sense of entitlement that all gay men MUST be 'out', and if not then they must be forced out of the 'closet'. Where did it become their right to decide how others are to live their lives? It's not much different than the 'agenda' prescribed to by the right-wing. When will the community care more about individuals than caring about an agenda?

Everyone has the right to decide on their own about 'coming out' -- when, and to who.

[Steven]

"If folks want or Need or feel the that Closet is best for them -- it is THEIR choice."

I cannot agree more with this statement. This is a free country and if people dictate to us how we have to live our lives. Then we are not a truly free country. People have a right to live their own life closeted or open. If someone is happy with their life being lived closeted or feels that is in his or her own best interest to be closeted then so be it. People have a right to be happy living their life their way, just as you have a right to live your life your way. We need to respect each other.. Honestly I do have to say I don't understand why this would even be a topic.

[scotty]

Outing is never a justifiable action. Much like the movement to allow same-sex marriages, outing is a personal choice and is of the "Life Libery and Pursuit of Happiness" variety. How a person chooses to live their life is no one's business but their own. It is Hypocrisy to find error in one person outing another. It is another of the rationale the gay community uses that disgusts me. I am a proud gay man, but that is how i choose to live my life. LIVE AND LET LIVE, because you have NOT WALKED THE MILE IN THE OTHER PERSON'S SHOES.

[scotty]

(correction to my previous post):
It is Hypocrisy to find error in one person outing another, *while still demanding your own personal liberties are private and secure

[Aaron]

It's just wrong to out people. I don't care what the reason or what information pops up after the person has been "outed" it's never justifyable. A person's sexuality is their own personal journey and they need the time to develop that self image and self esteem, and trying to do it for them is destructive.

It's also just ridiculous that so many people get outed as personal acts of revenge or something. That's just immature and stupid. You just shouldn't out people that's all there is to it. Gays that make it a point to out people are doing more damage than good. I won't name names, but Perez Hilton is an asshole.

oh...I named his name. Oh well, he is.

[Kid1958]

Outing is an effective tool of activists against homophobes like Haggard but, private people who want to stay private should have that option. If it wasnt for out people, we wouldnt have gain the rights we already have and need more out people who are learning to be comfortable with themselves. We as a community need to forgive and welcome Rev Haggart to the gay community so he can use his gift of gab to undo his damage.

[gary]

I was outed whether i liked it or not. Growing up in Northern Alberta i had an odd walk and maybe still do. I was targeted and walked a lot and had beer bottles thrown at me from passing trucks with the loving word faggott thrown at me. And, it was made abundantly clear to me by family and everyone else that gay men were worse than child molesters. Oddly my parents square danced with a couple who's son is gay and credited with starting the first gay organization in the city i grew up. I wonder how people would have felt had i done a public suicide and left a note that i was at the end of my rope with the torment. I had the faith that things would change.....

I fail to understand what someone does in the bedroom and how that is important. I developed a protective streak in me and did much avoidance of situations as a result so i could control my life better. Oh and got the hell out of the city I grew up in.

I have come to respect the fact that some people do come out. However I was not the target of women's sexual advances so i didn't see the need. And some people are so damn good lookin it doesn't matter if they are gay. Beauty is power.

I fail to understand why the gay issue is important in the military but celebrity is a bit different. It seems that with celebrity everyone has to know the business of everything the person does even when they flush the toilet.

[mark]

I think everyone's sexual orientation should be made public and I think their HIV status should be made public also. Wouldn't the same sort of logic apply to both? In fact, wouldn't the HIV status be even more important for the public to know than the sexual orientation? But let's not stop at orientation and HIV status. Let's put everything on the table so we'll have lots and lots to gossip about. Doesn't that sound fair, Princess?

[Emryes]

I was outed freshman year in college and my parents refused to talk to me, they cut off my cell phone and would not financial help me out. Along with that some of my gay friends stopped talking to me to so emotional I had no support. Outing people may be good for the community as a whole but you have to realize that the community is made up of individuals. These outed individual lives could really change for better or for worse. When a person is ready they will come out.

[Scott]

It seems pretty clear to me that Billy Bob's sexuality is none of anybody else's business except for...Billy Bob. If he wants to share that information openly with other people, that's his decision to make, and nobody else's. As for me, I was "quasi-outed" by this girl who thought I was gay (I actually am), so she spread the rumor around the school. Of course, only being speculation and being unconfirmed, I had the option to deny it, and I did at the time. Luckily, nobody really talked about it with me so it wasn't a real issue. But still, knowing that she spread that rumor made me pretty angry. To this day, I have not forgiven her for what she did. And I may never forgive her. Point being, people shouldn't be outed. People should come out only when they feel ready to.

[lit_l]

I was outted to my family. In my instance it was done out spite, which in my opinion is probably the worst circumstance to choose to out someone....ANd the worst part is that I wanted to come out to my family when I had the answers to the questions I assumed they would have. I wanted to utilize the sources, that at the time I didnt even know existed, but the person who outted me knew of them, but apparently chose to forget that route.

I guess in a nut shell if you feel the need to out some one, you should not take it upon yourslef to do so, but do it with the person, on their terms and do so with care because all families and work environments are different. Remember, the last thing you want to do is lose your friend because of confidentiality.

[Nick]

I got my brother to out me to my father... It helped out alot. My dad is the typical anti everything dad. It made it much easier on me. I am sure my father would have been happier had I told him, but I was ready to come out and just couldn't do it face to face with him. Maybe I am a lucky one, because neither my mom and stepdad or my dad care too much... atleast not that I have noticed.

[Nick]

... I don't guess I should say I was "outed" because I told my brother to do it, but... oh well.

[Jackson]

"Outing" is just society's way of making sure they know who to discriminate against, and we gays have made it our way of life.
Why?
Must I tell the whole world about me? Or must I just tell myself?
Do I have to come out to being straight? Do I have to come out and tell everyone that I am 25% German and 75% Italian.
No.
So why is telling everyone I'm gay necessary?
It's who I am. I shouldn't have to label that for people to see.
So no, if you're satisfying with being out to yourself and that's it, then more power to you!!
That's how I am and maybe if more people from the "out" community respected me for being "closeted," then I'd be willing to help them fight the fight.

[Steve - Again.]

To provide my opinion of the "hypocrisy" issue:

The grandest of hypocrites scream hypocrisy. Let me go back to my gross childhood antics and state "smeller's the feller" (I won't elaborate on that). This rings true on this issue.

I am all about equal rights, civil unions OR gay marriage (call it what you will as long as the end result is the same), and the end of those who would supress others for being different.

I do also realize though, that one of the greatest forms of hypocrisy if for me, a gay person, to be against those whose opinions oppose my own. Does this make sense? If I want others to accept me as being gay AND to respect my rights as a gay person, then I must respect their opionons about homosexuality.

I must promote healthy dialoge and make the point that allowing gay rights is NOT immoral. God himself (and religion is the most commonly used argument against homosexuality) allows me free choice. So, if I am gay, then it doesn't matter if I were born this way or if I choose to be this way. If God made me gay, then argument over. If God allows me to make my own choice, then who in the world can argue (besides those who don't believe in God, but I find that most of them don't have a problem with homosexuality). :)

WOW that went in many different directions, but I still maintain that Hypocrisy goes both ways and is NOT a valid argument for "outing" someone else.

However, I did like the argument that those who oppose homosexuality adamantly and publicly (this affect me as a gay person because it affects public perception and policy) but wind up participating "gay, bi, etc" activities should be outed. It's a thought. I think this would be a more appropriate topic and one which would be more controversial.

Anyone?

[Tim]

Well, one should attack the policies, not the person. I don't know why people think it's hypocritical to be gay and have anti-gay attitudes - I know any number of gay people who, for example, have the view that only certain forms of expression, belief, etc. ARE gay, so I'm not sure how that's different...it's about class and politics, not identity. (which is not to say it isn't sad) If a politician who is committing adultery, oh, argues against easier divorce, I'm pretty sure the strategy would not be to expose his/her infidelity as an argument AGAINST the policy.

And, as to the notion that the more out people the better - well, when people like Elton John and Melissa Etheridge came out, that tended to drive me further in, as I didn't want to be associated with boring music. :)

[TM]

People who are way out in the public spotlight (Ted Haggert, Adam Lambert) don't have a right to privacy. It's just the way it works when you put your neck out like that and they all know it going into it. Honestly I think AL deserves more privacy when it comes to his sex life than TH. AL is just a singer, but TH is out their preaching about others' sex lives, so his definitely deserves to be under the microscope, but AL is just a singer. People's interest in his sex life is to be expected, but I think he still deserves whatever privacy he wants because he's not engaging people's minds about sexual matters the way TH was.

Ordinary people absolutely are entitled to privacy and others shouldn't out them thinking they are doing them a favor. I think it's okay for a friend to approach a closeted friend on a one-on-one basis to talk about it, but it should be between those two and not a public outing. Some people out their friends like that not because they love their friends and want to see them out and happy (though they name that as their reason) but more likely because they want to be a part of some big dramatic dis-covering of a secret and they want everyone to see them as instrumental in freeing this poor trapped homo soul. I've seen it happen too many times. People should respect others boundaries.

[James]

The decision to come out is internsely personal. It may have all sorts of bad consequences for someone, ranging to alienation of family members, to loss of employment, to alienation from one's church, well, the list goes on. Other people should not make the decision to "out" someone else, because, quite frankly, they don't have to live with the consequences. They can just walk away from the whole mess, they made. A person can, and must, make the decison to come out for himself, or herself. But no one else has any right, or business, making that decision for them.

[Tim N]

I both agree and disagree with a lot of what is being said here by many different people. The bottom line is that your life is just that...it's yours. No one has the right to take it upon themselves to disrupt someone life by outing them. Regardless of how it ends, good or bad, when you out someone the damage can be severe on many levels. It can effect them mentally, emotionally, socially and even physically. I have helped MANY of my friends through the coming out process. In high school and incoporated two methods to helping them through the process. 1) Identifying with their situation and showing there was a shared commonality to help them feel like they had someone to turn to. 2) I introduced them to social groups and networks of people that were diverse in all ways, including sexuality. This allowed them to slowly begin socializing with people that were gay, bi, lesbian. and so forth to help build a comfort level. I never pushed the issue of coming out. The primary reason people are so afraid of coming out is due to the fear of isolation and stigmatism. A strong support structure is essential. As for the comment regarding gays wanting civil rights I say this. You should choose your words wisely. If people didn't fight for the rights they felt they deserved you wouldn't be living in the country you are today. Are history is filled with examples of the people fighting for civil rights against the majority. Majority rules you say?? This is true, but only until enough people stand up and say it's time for a new majority. By that I don't mean the LGBT taking over, but rather a new generation of minds that come to the realization that the dividing lines of sexuality are out dated..just as they were with gender and race. However, if everyone sits here basking in the status quo, then I'm fairly certain things will never change.

[concerned reader.]

being out is an individuals choice and can have tragic consequences if done. In my case the fewer people that know the better. I could not only lose my job but everything i have worked for to this point. I'm still not sure that in the end it wont already cause trouble even tho I am only out to those who are gay themselves. One day I won't mind saying so to a majority but I still say its up to the person and not others as to the choice of being out or not. We have enough that are out to already cause a fuss and besides I'm doing more good to the gay community staying like I am for the time being. I can speak out on behalf of gays and convince more people to be tolerant of the lifestyle and gay communities. To each his own is the message I'm sending out and its none of the other persons business as long as we are a contributing member of society as a whole. As a final note I do wish they would treat Aids as they do other dangerous diseases we need to conquer the beast before more get hurt.

[ck]

"outing" is cowardly, selfish and vindictive. If someone wants to be closeted that is THEIR choice. Outing someone is done for the other persons gain, whatever that may be.

MYOB!

[READ THIS BITCHES]

eww, for one adam lambert (aka the fat guy) is a baaaadddd example for a "closet-case" for god's sake he was singing CHER!! he couldnt be more obviously gay if he was walking around with a didlo up his ass. and some people find the adrenaline much more exciting keeping their life a secret. not everyone likes to be open, it makes things much more mysterious and sexy when its secretive.. just because people like to march around in pride parades, it doesnt mean you have to make everyone else do it to, cause that doesnt make you a good "gay supporter" it makes you a dictator, so SUCK IT!!

[queerplanet]

Exposed, publically embarassed and made to watch live birth videos and Little House on the Prarie reruns until they scream for mercy.

[Nick]

It's all a personal choice. To hell with what the "community" needs... individual needs are more important. It's not like there's a really great community to be a part of anyway.

[Patrick]

I do not believe in outing anyone. I was lucky when I came out, my family was very supportive. Not everyone has that luxury. o force someone out of the closet may cause that person to lose his family and friends. I say, "To each his own." I only knew when it was best for me to come out; and that goes for everyone.

[Daniel]

I think people should not be outed by others but should come out on their own. It is funny however that a lot of my friends who have been outed felt a lot less pressure about others finding out after the outing.

To the idiotic argument that some on here are putting forth that coming out on one's own is somehow detrimental to gays, I say that is pure crap. If you fall in love with someone and decide to build a life with that person, how ridiculous is it to hide your love, partnership, and life together? Unless you want to live a life of concealing and lying about the relationship then I would put forth that coming out is a real good way of just living an honest life.

Coming out is not just verbally announcing that you are gay, sometimes it is not proclaiming anything verbally at all but instead just living your life and not going out of your way to conceal things. When a guy says something like "my partner Jeff" to a new acquaintance, technically he is outing himself to that person, but he is doing nothing out of the ordinary from a straight guy saying "my wife Betty", etc... Straight people proclaim their straightness in many ways if you really think about it. Hiding your sexuality is the thing contrary to what straights do and that is the whole idea of gays coming out, because we should not be ashamed of the fact that we are gay and it allows us to just live our life without putting effort into concealing things. Basically, coming out puts us on the level of straights just living in freedom to be ourselves as someone said in a previous comment.

Instead of saying that heterosexuals don't have to announce that they are heterosexuals the point should be that they don't have to go out of their way to conceal it. Its evident because of who they selected as their partner, who they talk about sexually, where they go to find a mate. They don't have to hide any of that so why do some on here feel gays should? Some of the logic that people use on these discussions is real weak.

[fine]

Closeted gays article 9,782. So much better and more interesting than closeted gays article 9,781.

[sissy boy]

i think it's up to the individual to come out on there own.i'm a life long crossdresser and i almost wish someone would out me.i would never have the courage to do it myself, but if someone did for me, i would be forced to deal with it. i think about how nice it would be to live life as the person i really am.

[Chris Sherman]

I fail to see where any individual or group has the right to "out" someone else. Unless ALL, and I do mean ALL, gay men are willing to have all of their intimate sexual habits, sizes, and kinky behaviors publicized,then they should shut the F up and allow people to live their own lives and make their own decisions. Beleive it or not, being openly gay can still get people fired in this country, and not everyone has the desire nor the time/money to start a new career path.

Several years ago i watched as a colleague was demoted over lunchtime from Assistant Superintendent of Secondary Education to Assistant Principal---the difference in income---oh, about 30,000 a year. Did he have any recourse to fight this injustice brought about when his ex-wife started proclaiming he had divorced her because he was bi-sexual? Nope, none at all-----the law is NOT on our side, or haven't you been following the gay marriage issue in the South?

[Gene Bivins]

If someone draws a knife on me, I have the right to use whatever force I can to stop him using it. If a gay person is attacking our community, we likewise have the right to take away their power to do so by outing them and showing their hypocrisy to the world. Outing someone only because we think they "should" be out is always, without exception, wrong.

[somegaysshouldgobackinthecloset]

Really PlanetOut??? And you wonder why some people refuse to give you a dime!

[russell]

Outting should be a private and personal choice. I choose not to be out because not only could being out cost me my job, it could cost me my life. The industry that I am in has many gay people probably 99% closeted. But for an out person working in the industry there is very little protection form verbal, mental, and physical abuse. An individual doesn't even have the right to carry any form of personal protection by Federal law and also by company policy. So for individuals not in the public eye, outing them, can in some circumstances be very hazrdous to their well being.

[EJ]

A doctor actually came up with this crap! God help us all.