7 Reasons Why He Didn't Call

You have been talking to guy online for a week now. You have great conversations and seem to have a lot in common. He makes you laugh and you always get excited when you are able to catch him online for a chat. You finally make plans to get together.

You meet up for a dinner. You feel the conversation is flowing just like online. You are having a great time and it appears he is enjoying himself as well. You laugh, you flirt, and you tease. It is a great date and things are going so well. By the end of the night you say your goodbyes and he smiles and says, "I will give you a call soon."

You drive home thinking of your great date, you are so excited for the next and now you wait for the call.

The call which never comes...

Why didn't he call?

1. Maybe it was a bad date - Did you talk too much about yourself? Were you rude or demanding? Did you talk abut your ex or sex too much? Who knows what made it a bad date but maybe he really didn't have a good time. Maybe he is "just not that into you".

2. Maybe it was too good of a date - You guys really had chemistry and he really likes you but he is not ready to jump into dating right now. Maybe he is still thinking about his ex. Maybe he is just wanting to keep it casual. Maybe he is just scared.

3. Maybe he is a player - He might just enjoy the hunt of dating and once the first date is over he loses interest. Maybe you are not the only one he has been talking to. Maybe you did or didn't have sex with him so he is over spending time with you.

4. Maybe he is already in a relationship - Many men (straight and gay) are in committed relationships where they are not happy. They are planning to leave their partner but are scared to make the jump. They start dating first to see if they can find someone, see how scary dating is again or even have someone else so they are not alone first. Either way, this can cause them not to call because of fear, besides they already have another man at home.

5. Maybe he is saving you from trouble - Sometimes when a guy doesn't call it is the best thing for you. Maybe he got busy or just forgot but this is saving from you continuing dating a guy who really isn't committed or a guy who would just bring you a lot of trouble. Sometimes fate saves you from yourself and TROUBLE. Sometimes there are things we do not know about this person yet and we are lucky we never will.

6. Maybe he fell into the "man pit" - A lot of my clients struggle with men not calling back. I have suggested that the date was great and they so wanted to call but as they were leaving the date they happened to trip and fall into a giant pit with all the other guys who do not call back. There isn't cell service down there but they have a DJ and open bar so the guys forget all about the date. I think a lot of my clients hope one day they fall in this "pit" as well.

7. Maybe he is just a jerk - Let's be honest, he could just simply be an ass who lied about wanting to call or really just forgot all about it because of the new shiny object that got his attention. Is it poor manners? SURE. Does that make you feel better? No.

I could come up with TONS more reasons why he didn't call you. I am sure you have run at least 10 more in your head. Some of you even called him and left a message but didn't receive a return one. Either way, the reality is that he did not call.

The reasons for him not calling are not important. The date, the experience, the opportunity is now in the past. There is nothing you can do to change it. What can you do is move on. As everyone knows, there are thousands of men online to talk to. Beating yourself up about this one or giving up is not an option.

If you do give up, you will miss out on the opportunity to get the guy who does call back. Yes it might shock you when it happens but when it happens, you will know it was all worth it.

(Photo: Getty Images)

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Michael Moniz is a life coach focusing on the LGBT community. His practice helps others with self-image, communication skills, self-leadership and setting and achieving goals. Check Michael's website for more information and to schedule private consultations.

Do you have a question about how to improve your life? Send an e-mail to pnohealth@planetoutinc.com

Comments

[James]

After being through the very same situtations with guys not calling back as well reading a the article above is enough to kindle thoughts of just trying females for a change.

[cj]

I NEVER believe a man when he says he's going to call. I've been burned too many times by guys who said they would and never did or never had any intention of. If he says he will call and he does, its a pleasant surprise.

If not, add him to the list of people you're better off without, and don't go chasing after him. You're only wasting your time.

Yep, and if I cross paths with them in the future, I don't acknowledge that he's a stinkin' creep, I'm just pleasant, and get out of the conversation as soon as I can.

Men like this are nothing more than liars.

[Laun]

Ok, but once again same reply last time this topic was brought up. Don't be paranoid and giveup. Did you check schedules, were you open and honest too with him.

Also, I'd like to bring up another topic. The comment "your out" if I hear this comment one more time in my home territory, I am gonna knock someone flat. Either in the gay or straight world this lableling bullshit must end! Everyone wants their rights and way of life protected and accepted. The gay community wants members to stand by eachother and for eachother. If society wants everyone working to promote peace and prosperity for all then they better quit with this neanderthal way "highschool" way of treating others. If some of you think that you are so much more "important", better than any other joe smoe than take your precious perfect asses somewhere out of my sight. I'll be happy to send you on the next space shuttle to a space station where you can worship yourselves and leave the rest of us in peace. Nobody likes a snob or group of snobs, the out/in groups of the '50s are over!

Now back to the above topic, don't give up keep communicating or try again when time and schedules are better and don't let the "outing bullship" get it the way of relationships.

[Sargon Bighorn]

What goes around comes around. No one is innocent. And don't tell me you haven't done it.

Laun: what did you mean with "Your out"? Did you mean to say, "You're out" as in "You are out"? Out of it, not included?

[Laun]

Yes, there is out as in publically saying I am gay to the community. Then there is outing as in a group or groups decide to "out" someone, black label, ignore, avoid just to bully, be mean. This type of behavior is cruel doesn't change a person it leaves scars and ruins relationships. Church groups are notorious for ostracizing others because of their gay choice andc others are prejudice against race and politcal offliliation. It isn't for others to play God and force some to go straight because they disapprove. Abuse is abuse. This is suppose to be a democratic modern society.

[sicilianotoronto]

why do people even write these articles? lol

[Robert Mark]

If a guy tells you that he will call... just give the standard fag answer silently in your mind (do not roll eyes): "Whatever" This is a super stupid article... who cannot figure these answers... maybe this...maybe that... please add...maybe he did not have money to pay his bills and the phone company cut his services.

[brontomancer]

8. Maybe you should have gotten his number and called him instead. If I like a guy on a date, and it went well, I would have no problem calling the guy back regardless of who said they'd call first.

[Brian]

This does happen constantly and is part and parcel of life. I was surprised to see this article when I logged in because an incident like this just happened to me this weekend. Unfortunately, it went far beyond him not calling. The guy pleaded with me to see him this weekend because "he didn't want to have to wait another week" and then we made definite plans for Saturday, and he didn't call. It would have been (comparatively) cool if he had said he couldn't make it or something, but I don't get what drives people to be so insistent about seeing someone and then to just vanish like a ghost. Don't wanna call? That's fine, but please don't mess up someone's weekend schedule with fake plans. What's the point. If he calls again, I will "promise" to meet him somewhere and never show up. The bad behavior of these men may be commonplace, but that doesn't mean we need to let it flourish without retribution.

[splerk]

Yes, get his # & call. If it was that good of a date & he gives you a woody for being hot, why shouldn't you BOTH exchange numbers.
Put YOUR number in his Cell Phone for him.
Don't ask all your friends what the appropriate time is to call either.
If it feels right, do it. Be your own man.
Don't call too soon, but soon enough before someone else hits him on the head and drags him off to their cave.
Call him once for him & a second if you have to for yourself.
If no answer, then move on & maybe enjoy the returned phone call later.
Don't beat yourself up for it, ... it is his problem & loss.
Also pay attention on a date. If he is a professional 9-5 worker, call him on a Wednesday @ 7pm to ask him what he is doing for the weekend.
Subliminally, Wed. is HUMP day, & 7 is the most common LUCKY #. Weekends are his kick back at home CASUAL time for R&R.
Don't schedule 2nd date for Friday night because either of you may have had a bad day at work, don't take that chance.
DON"T GO OUT to a bar for the second date unless you just meet up there to take the date somewhere else, it is just too easy for either of you to bust the other checking someone else out.
A Saturday late afternoon date at the movies or outside at a park maybe will energize both to a late dinner & at that point if the date goes well one of you will invite the other home.
If you both are lucky enough to pass the interview of the 1st date, you better be prepared to do a good job of PUTTING OUT on the second date.
Even if you felt the sex was white hot, if he is at your place & dresses to leave right after sex, there most likely will not be 3rd date.
If the sex just didn't do it for you, be polite & dress & tell them you have to get up early for church.
Otherwise you will be polishing your knobs all night & the host better know how to make breakfast in bed.

[Dan, Indianapolis Indiana]

I learned nothing from this article that I did not already know. Gay guys are so fucked up that it does not matter who you date or see. Unless your hot and gorgeous and young and you pass his FUCKABLE DICK O METER AKA chemistry, your DOA from the start. Too many gay guys equate happiness and chemistry to whether their dick got hard and they became short of breath upon the first meeting. Well guess what my friends, ya take the shallow ass hole home, ya give him what he wants cause ya know ya will cause ya may never get the chance again to be with him and he never calls again. BTDT.. Hes over you as soon as he blew his load.
So to be upset cause your first date went well and he said he would call and didnt has nothing to do with the date . Has everything to do with You standing your ground and getting what you want. You deciding that dating a pretty boy means success to you or maybe setting your sights a little lower lets say for an average guy who may treat you with respect. Lets face it my fellow cock suckers, pretty boys are good for one thing. Hot Sex, Heart Aches and Empty banks accounts. My advice to my loving caring decent gay guys who really want the peace and harmony a gay relationship can give. Take a second look at the guy ya past up before. Hes the good one.. Hugs and happy hunting men.

[G]

believe me in my younger days i would nail men's asses to the wall when i never heard from them. Eventually I got the truth.

Didn't like what i heard.

They moved on to find someone prettier

[Dan, Indianapolis Indiana]

The funny thing guys is we let these bad guys get away with this shit. We know who these bad guys are. They are the guys who know they are all that and are some f***ng gay commodity. Well it's time ya stop chasing after the hot guys, teach them a lesson and don't go after them. Make them realize they are trouble and their games won't play anymore. Start playing the game with them.
As for the guy who went above and beyond to make a date for the weekend and then didn't call. This guy was over compensating for his guilt of having every intention of not keeping the date. This guy wanted to make sure you didn't catch wind to his deception. My friends, guys like this, you have more to worry about than them not calling back. These guys have serious underlying emotional and character flaws. Like being a pathological liar. Almost criminal like, these guys are. Let's not forget people like this. MANSON,GACEY,DAHLMER,MADOFF. Yes these guys all share something in common with our so called, I will call and don't boys. BE WARE.

[hilo31]

Maybe he's unaccountable! Maybe he's too "nice"....
I suspect many of us have been here -- on both sides of the equation. Why not all of us be accountable for what we feel and do? Rather than leave the other guy guessing, why not be honest, assertive, mindful of tact, and let the other person know what I am feeling and intending? Rather than leave one person guessing themself and perhaps me (or vice versa), attempts at honesty and transparency may leave less room for hurt feelings. When all is said and done, perhpas whatever the outcome, be thankful for having the opportunity to learn something about yourself.

[CharlieBoi]

Well lets face it people, most guys are total jerks. That is all I need to say. And be honest to yourselves, I'm sure you've done it to other people as well. Even I have!!
Whether it's for good intentions or bad.

The fact is, if you and the other man don't make the effort of making it work, then how do you expect to start something with him? How about if we make the effort and if he's not interested in you, then maybe that it was never meant to happen.

[Wyatt1969again]

Yes, I agree…

Besides – everyone should remember at least one instance of that certain “click” when they met someone – really anyone – whom they hit it off with.

For some this could merely be a friend – and for others – well of course – the man of their dreams!

I mean – I just don’t think anyone should get too wrapped up in weather or not brah is gonna call back.

If he doesn’t – well fuck him – except I imagine you’d be better off blessing him in some positive way or whatever. I guess that couldn’t hurt. Eh – but maybe it aint always that easy what with high hopes and then the landing of some inauspicious disparity.

Remember if you can – any time when you knew someone who you could chill with – with no money – or no drugs – or no nothing really. Just each other – and a bunch of chitter chatter which really did make you smile, laugh, feel valued - feel not so alone.

I think this is the kind of guy most of us would like to have - the kind that really could spend the day with you just kicking about. You know – crumpled tee shirt – no underwear under them jeans – yet still cool enough to be seen with at the local breakfast hub – the multiplex kind where everyone’s previous nights’ catch is on display.

So I figure this is what’s maybe more important…

Looking for Love, I think, starts by looking for a friend.

The rest usually does fall into place.

And if not – well it’s always worth taking a look at what you do have instead of what you don’t.

Count them blessings and blessed you’ll be.

[Dan, Indianapolis Indiana]

Wyatt1969again .. MARRY ME.....

[ray]

1. Maybe you're ugly (meaning you're not a supermodel/twink)
2. Maybe you're fat (meaning you weigh more than 150)
3. Maybe you're old (meaning you've committed the unforgivable sin of living past the age of 25)
4. Maybe you don't make enough money (Can you blow 70 Euro on a bottle of Bollinger?)
5. Maybe you're boring (Aren't you FAGULOUS enough?)
6. Maybe you're not his type (His type doesn't exist in real life--only in his head)
7. Maybe you're just too good for him (because he hates vhimself).

[Max]

Well said Wyatt1969again. People like yourself should really be writing these articles.

[David Duvall]

This is a not just a "gay" issue because many gay, straight and bisexual men and women engage in the same type of dishonesty. The lie, "I'll call you" has been around for a long time. Being the good and honest person that YOU are be aware that it happens and don't engage in the same behavior yourself. Practice the policy of truth and at the end of a date tell them it was nice and you'll call or tell them it didn't feel right and explain why you won't be calling them. Lying to them may be the "nice" thing to do at the moment but, in the long run it can hurt them over time. Just be honest.

[Mike]

This article come across as written & percieved from a female point of view. When gay males approach other males[str8 or gay] as a man instead of as a woman trapped in a man's body/or with female attitudes/characteristics or even with a female mentality - then maybe, just maybe - they won't scare these guys away. I myself am disgusted at being approached by girlish guys - I can get a real female if I want one, no problem, thank you very much! "Maybe he is already in a relationship" & "Maybe he is a player" are the only legitimate reasons here and may be the only reasons to run, run, run away like hell.

[queerplanet]

The first guy said he was going to try dating women instead!

Oh yeah, women are so much more honest and never manipulate situations. Let us know how that goes for you okay?

Men don't call back because you can go onto Gay.com chat room and find a new toy in seconds.

It's like, why would you pay fifteen dollars for something you can buy in the dollar store for a dollar?

Men dont' want to be friends. They want a video game.

[Laun]

Reply to ray, even from a friendship standpoint of view, those are none of the things that anyone should judge anyone on. I know I tired of superficial people who just look for perfection. Everyone gets older, has to put their pants on one leg at a time, etc. If this world is just for few people then why are we trying to protect and save it, protect the environment etc. If people can't stop being so damn mean to eachother, labling, excluding, robbing your neighbor just to pay your own bill. Then what is the point. I would like to see people be a little more courteous, understanding, and willing to be above the "outed" terms and judgements. Nobody is perfect.

[tyler]

Fags are fags....always have been...always will be. Been "out" for 30 yrs now. Have also been single for 9 yrs.
Sometimes it gets lonely but for the most part I wouldn't change a thing. I'd rather be alone then wish I was.
I am really into the monogamy thing. And every guy I ever dated long term fucked around. One even gave me a dose of the clap and then thought I should continue dating him! DUH! Fags are good for only one thing...find em, feel em fuck em and leave em. If not them they will do it to you!

[Drew]

Tyler... I agree with you.

Gay men are immature and lost losers.

If they would just stop believing that they can have monogomous relationships and settle down and just know they will always fuck around and live out their days alone...

They wouldn't be lost ... just immature losers.

Wisdom is not for faggots.

After 16 years of being out... I'm done.

[jacknyurbox]

Thank god for Ray bringing everything into reality! This article was so pollyanna and never once did it mention that the guy didn't call you back because it was something wrong with the wuss that was waiting on the call.

Can queens not figure out the proper spelling for the use of the word? YOUR is not the same as YOU'RE. The same goes for WEATHER and WHETHER.

Keeps your chins up girls! Don't worry Jan, there is always next year!! xoxo

[Advice]

8. He's just not that into you.

[Warren]

You know, ugly is in the eye of the beholder. That man in the photograph with the glasses? Ugly? Hardly. He's gorgeous as far as I'm concerned. I have found that there is always something beautiful, even with the most physically unattractive of men. Sometimes it's their eyes or their hands or their feet or their hair, or even their noses. It's what's inside and how hey feel about themselves and how they treat other people. The physical will eventually fade. Being old is not bad. But feeling old because others remind you constantly is not good. Society has made it a sin to age. But getting older doesn't mean letting yourself go, getting fat, not exercising, or ignoring hygiene. Man, fix those teeth! I think most men know if they are attractive or not. And using penis size as an attraction is the kiss of death. Then you become lazy and the older you get, the worse you look. Ah, wilderness...

[yy]

i dont believe in dates. gay men are so superficial and pretentious for them, all we have are hook-ups.
we talk to someone today and we're thinking about the next guy for tomorrow...
once you take someone out and you're immediatly thinking how to get in his pants or to sleep with him that night!

It's neater to meet someone in natural or regular circumstances instead of a website, at lest you use meetic, e-harmony or one of those!

[Jeff]

I had this happen to me years ago, when I ran into the guy, he said "sorry I didnt call you back"...I was very nonchalant and it really seemed to bug him. That is all you can do, take the high road and move on.

[Daniel]

maybe he is just not that into you?

[Raul]

please women do this as well gender has nothing to do with this at all. most men and women are to polite and dont want to hurt anyones feeling so calling you back is the safest way to avoid confrontation and keep things simple or being rude.if he calls you back be glad if he doesnt move on. thats life women always need an explanation for an action. and this is one you dont need one for. im gay and if they dont call me back i move on next. and if they call back a week later and say they were busy oh well. i tell them i dont do overdue yogurt. so thats my two cents. dont put so much emotion into one night that you forget to have fun. sometimes you can make the best of friends.