Have You Been Stalked By An Ex-Girlfriend?

Let's talk stalker ex-girlfriends. You've had one, right? It seems like every lesbian has had that one girlfriend who just couldn't let go.

I don't want to share her real name for obvious reasons, but I'll call mine Michelle. I dated Michelle for about six months, and while I had a good time with her, I didn't see our casual relationship going anywhere, so I broke up with her.

I did it in person, of course, and she appeared to take the news okay at first. We even agreed to remain friends. I was glad that it went so well.

But within days of our break up, Michelle started calling me—a lot. We were talking more than we did when we were dating, and I finally told her maybe we shouldn't chat so much.

"So you don't want to be friends with me?" she asked accusingly.

I told her I did want to be friends, but I thought we shouldn't be in constant contact since we'd just broken up and both needed to move on.

Still, Michelle kept calling me daily, and she was getting more and more emotional. It was hard to get off the phone with her because she was always crying and professing her love for me. Mind you, she was never this intense while we were dating. But once we broke up, I was the love of Michelle's life.

And she wasn't just calling me to tell me how much she loved me—she was emailing me, too, and even sending me letters. When I stopped taking Michelle's calls and answering her emails, I started running into her, and it was clear that she didn't just happen to be walking by my office or my gym. She knew my routine and was purposely hanging out where she knew I would be.

After Michelle confronted me in a bar in my neighborhood—another place she just happened to be when I was there—and followed me home, yelling at me all the way, I emailed her and told her if she contacted me again, I'd get a restraining order against her. Thankfully, I never heard from Michelle again after that, and when I did see her in a restaurant about a year later, we ignored each other.

I think I got off easy. I've had friends who have had much more aggressive stalker exes. One of my friends was just telling me how her stalker ex used to sit in the parking lot of the restaurant where she was working as a waitress, waiting all night for her to get off work so she could harass her. Another friend had a girlfriend who actually threatened to cut herself if they didn't get back together.

Scary!

Have you ever been the victim of a stalker ex? Let's commiserate.

And I'd love to hear from stalker exes who have since seen the error of their ways. Seriously, I'd like to know: Why couldn't you let go?

(Image courtesy of Getty)

Comments

[des]

I can't get rid of her! Moving accross the country to hopefully make new friends and get rid of her although I suspect the 20 + phone calls a day will continue. Hate to change my number but will likely have to. ugh!

[Althea]

I had an ex and we dated for about a year and 4 months until I finally broke up with her after she cheated on me over 10 times. Soon after that she started calling me more, showing up randomly at my house at 7:30 in the morning or even showing up when I wasnt there and she'd be sitting in my room when Id get back home, she even had her friends call me and she'd communicate through them to me, its finally died down after I told her Id call the cops the next time she tried to contact me, she still does every few months but its better than everyday.

[Paige]

A good friend of mine had to pull a restraining order on her ex. The girl kept threatening to drink bleach if my friend left her.

[Jeri Estes]

You can see a stalker chasing a retired woman pimp at:

www.myspace.com/jeriestes

Such a risqué, fun and true story!
Feel free to join me as a friend.

[R.T.]

My situation is a little backwards. We lived together for two years. One day she came home and said, "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore....". After she moved out, SHE continued to call me, text me and even threatened "extreme measures" if I didn't talk to her. This went on for seven months after! I never responded and I haven't heard from her for three months now.

[Kristi]

I have actually had two instances where this happened. One was easy to explain - we went on ONE date, ONE! And I told her afterward that I didnt think we connected. She totally freaked out. She called me like 40 times a day and even found out where I lived and came to my house with a knife. Scary stuff. i had to actually get a restraining order. Of course this was when I was younger and more stupid. The other instance was more confusing. She was obviously a retard to begin with lol. Never wanted a relationship, but the second I got involved with someone else she turned into this crazed maniac. Still to this day - even though we haven't talked for a year and a half she still visits ALL my websites online. Kinda creepy. But apparently you cant do much if a stalker stalks your websites. Although I did contact HR at her work and get her to stop doing it from there.

Nice to know I am not alone lol. Since then, I have made strict guidelines on who I will and will not date along with "dating safety" precautions. Maybe PO should do an article on that for all the newbies and young kids that are out meeting people nowadays.

[Popsicle907]

If post relationship 'friendship' terms are not heeded by both parties, what you must do is cut off all contact. Seriously, dont take the calls, the emails, texts etc. Dont react to the waves of emotion sent to throw you off balance. just disconnect yourself completely. if you dont feed a fire, it will eventually burn out.. the stalker will eventually become distracted by someone else. say a quick prayer for the someone else and be done with it.
too many buy into the drama and 'fight back'. this reaction only feeds the stalker. disconnect!

[Bette]

I lived with my ex for four years before i left her. Probably the worst four years of my life. She was a jealous, selfish, alcoholic. Those traits became even more evident after i left. She immediately started showing up at my house. She would bang on the door and yell. She sent me a couple letters a day. All begging me to come back, promising that she would change. She called me several times a day. Sometimes she would play a song on the answering machine. One night she told me she quit her job so I would worry about her. She even wrote letters to my sister begging to see her kids. She got mad when i moved into a new house, she was jealous that i might be having a good time. This went on for a few months then all of a sudden it stopped. I was surprised, but very relieved. It wasn't long after that i found out she was engaged to get married to a man. They were married shortly afterward. Thank God. She probably would have never left me alone otherwise. She is his problem now...

[robyn]

ex thought it was overcause i suggested she leave as her comments unbearable; next thing she assaulted me; thousands of dollars of damage to parents car; continually drove over front fence and gardens; lit fire against then continues to text me saying it my fault; 16 months ago; dvo wasnt issued by court had to do it private; still live in complete fear for my life and that of my fam and friends; matter goes to criminal court in 5 weks and prosecutors are claiming criminal compensation for me; how stipid any other time there was assualt didnt even think of it as criminal; cant help who one loves; we together nearly 9 years thought wed grow old together though presentlt werent living together; have become asexual!

[robyn]

ex thought it was overcause i suggested she leave as her comments unbearable; next thing she assaulted me; thousands of dollars of damage to parents car; continually drove over front fence and gardens; lit fire against then continues to text me saying it my fault; 16 months ago; dvo wasnt issued by court had to do it private; still live in complete fear for my life and that of my fam and friends; matter goes to criminal court in 5 weks and prosecutors are claiming criminal compensation for me; how stipid any other time there was assualt didnt even think of it as criminal; cant help who one loves; we together nearly 9 years thought wed grow old together though presentlt werent living together; have become asexual!

[noelle]

My ex and I were together three years. The last twelve months being the worst..she became controlling and emotionally abusive. I finally broke free and moved back to my home town she had taken me away from three years earlier. As I reconnected with my friends and began smiling again, the phone calls started. From the moment she woke up, to when she went to bed, my fone was constantly ringing. In between I would get the most awful abusive and threatening messages as well. She moved to a town closer to me and i started getting texts from her saying I looked nice today. A few times I was sure I heard someone outside my window at night right before I'd get another text. When she started stalking my friends aswell, I just snapped. I yelled at her down the fone, and told her what I really thought of her idea of an 'equal' relationship. I then moved house, changed my number and deleted my old email accounts and passwords to everything, as she was also hacking into everything of mine to see what I was up to. That was twelve months ago. She still tries to contact me on occasion, through old friends, but she can't get near me anymore. I completely cut her off, and moved on with my life.

[zaniel]

Well, players, coldhearted and cruel people who use others and then dump them as some kind of used napkin might get stalkers...

I never had a stalker--I went through breakups (didn't have many relationships either, luckily, only long-term), but I never had a stalker ex. In fact, I'm on friendly terms with my exes. Why? Cause I never used people.
I never mislead them. I never made promises, never lied to. I don't engage in "casual relationships"--who invented this disgusting thing? It's even worse than a one night stand.
If you engage in what you a "casual relationship", the other person might think different and get attached to you, etc. A damn pet gets attached to a person. You really sound like you treat people like they're worse than pets even.

I really don't like the US "dating culture"--impersonal and quite soulless where people have very little value or dignity and where they're mostly seeking sex. Unfortunately, this is way too common in gay community... Seeing that, I'd say the US gay community needs to change things first to deserve the right to marriage.... (I didn't grow up in America, luckily)

[Lyndsey]

So accusitory... Maybe you've never had a stalker because your the one doing the stalking? I don't know, I guess it's not my place to say/assume. But neither is the assumption that because we've had stalkers we deserved it. It's ridiculous.
I have had a couple stalkers, who keep emailing, calling, texting, driving by my house after over a year of zero contact. I'm so fortunate to have a wonderful SANE woman now. I just say keep the faith, love is out there.

[jan]

I wanted to be a stalker at one point, because I felt that I had been used up and got rid of. I was in a relationship with this woman/girl for 21 years. She learned everything that she needed to know on how to cook, work with people, clean, acquirer material things and did, to include a lump of cash. Then she got very ugly in character. You couldn't say anything to her, it was her way or the highway. All Iam saying is when you put youself in a relationship, weather it is sexual or friendship. You do not screw over people that have opened themselves up to you and enrich your life to success and you throw they away as if you did not know them at all. This person lied to me and the new people in her life. If I had did something to her, iam open and truthful enough to said I mess-up. It was not so in this case. So, if you are with someone and you do them any kind of way to get ahead, have sex, or move on! Be truthful with that person in the beginng or when you realize what you want or doing and I think it will keep a soul form being hurt, feeling used and abused! I wanted to kill her only because of the bad treament that displayed toward me and for her very selfish reasons. She did not once think of me or my feeling. This will make a person hard and cold if they don't believe in a higher power. Her is coming n hard

[jan]

to stalker
don't do it! I know some people have issues. but, when you feel used, abused, lonely and discouraged. Make yourself busy with any and everything you can. Don't give that person the time of day. Their not worth your mind madness. there is some out there for you. Go find them. Love yourself.