Is Aging Harder When You're Gay?

Last week my partner and a friend both told me, almost simultaneously, that I had a few gray hairs coming in on the side of my head. Instead of realizing I often think that men with some salt-and-pepper are sexy and maybe I, too, could be sexy, my first thought was to panic and think I had to color my hair and maybe go blond ... again. Then I came to my senses and remembered getting older isn't a bad thing. It happens to everyone. But can everyone age gracefully? Is there such a thing as "gayging" gracefully?

As gay men, we worry about getting older more than our straight brethren. We go to the gym, eat healthier, use moisturizer and then fret we don't look good enough. We complain we're too fat or too frumpy and then go eat a big piece of chocolate cake and wash it down with a beer.

Of course this doesn't happen to everyone; but it's a pervasive attitude in the gay community. Especially among a sect of gays who primp until the cows come home. There are some gay men who put everything into their looks and attempt to use that to get ahead in life. Then one day, people don't pay as much attention.

What happens when our looks start to fade and the magic slips away, when those once-sexy "smile lines" turn to serious wrinkles and our once-flat stomachs start to move south and protrude? Is there still hope for love and acceptance beyond our outer layers? There comes a time in every gay man's life when he has to ask himself: Am I too old for Abercrombie? Generally speaking, yes. And if you don't think to ask, then you are. And yes, you look ridiculous.

There's nothing wrong with aging. As gay men, hell as men, we have an advantage. Men tend to age better—assuming you take care of yourself or you're blessed with good genes, or both. I know a guy from my dog park who I recently found out is close to 70. My jaw hit the floor and snapped back up and smacked me in the face. I thought he was maybe mid-50s. He's in great shape and I know he exercises. The only thing that shows his age is his griping. He's a bit of a curmudgeon, but you know ... he's earned it.

The rest of us? We have to take stock of what we have and make the most of it. If you were a beauty queen when you were younger, get over yourself. It's time to realize there's more to life than just looking pretty. Hopefully your life has something, anything, you can be proud of. Look around you. Realize life can be great at any age, no matter how you look.

Ah, who am I kidding? I'm going to moisturize and get my beauty sleep.

Comments

[Adam]

It's funny. As I get older my taste in men changes. I'm now 43. The young guys, although pretty, are just not that attractive to me anymore. I'm now finding that older men with a little gray hair is very attractive.

Maybe it's because I'm over the partying (what little I did) and I find drunk and strung out guys very unappealing. When I go out with friends that's all I seem to see, but that hasn't changed much.

There is something to be said for a guy with some experience, can hold a conversation that's something other than gossip and doesn't feel the need to stay out drinking until all hours of the morning!

GO GRAY!!!!

[David]

Thought this a very good article and a topic that comes up more often now. Here I am at 46. Sure, a little heavier, balder and greyer than in years past. But holding up quite well.

When we do go out as a group, I find it quite funny that the biggest issue is where can we sit. The nights of standing in a crowded bar are over. And then it starts… “I have a pain here” or “I can’t do that as well any more”. You would think you were out with a bunch of seniors, not men in their 40’s. But I do love them all regardless.

I think the most important thing about getting older is your mental state. Keep positive and focus on what you are good at, the great amount of knowledge you have, the things you have accomplished and what you will do in the future.

Life is more than an all night rave. Get out there and just be YOU! And if people don’t like it, bet you really don’t care… LOL!

[Sam]

If you're past high school, you're already too old for Abercrombie. Its time to go to grown-up stores now, like Gap, or perhaps BR, or Brooks Bros.

[Thomas]

I'm only 23 and I have a swath of grey hair right above my eyes; totally noticeable.

My friends (and I) all think it is bad-ass and totally handsome (but they're also all breeders and I haven't been on a decent date in ages). So, whatever.

[Will]

I don't see chronological age as an issue at all. It's more about mental age from my perspective. I have met plenty of guys younger than my 51 years that seem to be ready for the rocking chair. Well, that's not me. I still like the playful kid in me and show it often. It's so much fun to scare the bois into realizing just because you are old enough to be out of college doesn't mean you died.

[Tim]

Something about a 40+ guy wearing A&F just doesn't seem right. I'm 43 and I don't wear any of that. I look much much younger get guessed 32 33 a lot. However I must be showing my age some. Packed gay bars and little twinks just don't do it for me anymore. Getting older is hard for a gay man because the community is so focused on age. I met a guy in Chicago once who I thought was really hot for a older guy. He looked 50 and was 75 go figure.

[Cowboy]

Each year, it is always funny to see, at some A-list pool party, who will arrive this year with a new face-lift. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many a handsome man, in an attempt to reverse the aging process, get a face-lift, only to lose their masculine face lines and end up looking like a geisha. If you are trying to achieve the geisha look, that is fine.

Every guy that I have seen over 40 who has had a face-lift, in the end, looked ridiculous.

[Patrick]

Well...I think honestly it is a mixed bag. Looks do just matter more in gay culture (for better or worse). The good news is, gay men probably DO work out more, eat healthier, etc. Maybe because of narcicism but in the end we are better off for it from a health perspective. If we (older gay men) stepped back and compared ourselves to the average straight guy of similar age, we'd say damn.... we look great. But the problem is.. we compare ourselves to 22yos...

[ShowYourAge]

EVERYONE is too old for A&F because it is SOOOO out, no matter what age you are if your wearing A&F you look silly, tacky and gross!

The only true method of looking good at any age is to be aware that you are a certain age and dress, act and look appropriate to that age!

If your 50 and your wearing tight jeans and A&F gear you will look older and tackier than if you just wore clothes are are meant for 50 year olds. So if your true deal is that you want to look good, then you have to look your age, and you'll be HOT.

And while I'm here, let me say... (Although I am in general not a fan of guys taking off their shirts in clubs) if your over 30 JUST SAY NO, it doesn't matter how great your body looks JUST SAY NO NO NO NO! Grow up seriously UGH

[Parrish Kline]

What an absolutely assinine question...

[Jason]

I am so much happier at 41 than I was at 31. Life is great and I have way more confidence. If I do go out to traditional gay bars, the younger guys always say hi and flirt. Older guys are the ones who are harder to get to know in that environment. Meeting guys my age tends to happen in quiet gatherings at someone's home or a fund raiser. So I go out once a month and dinner parties 3 times a month ... so Im not in the fast lane but it feels great.

Oh, Hollister is for 24 yo and younger. A&F is for under 29. Once you hit 30, move up to Banana Republic if your going to shop at the mall. Seeing men in XS Tees from A&F is like looking at a man with hair plugs and botox. The entire room knows youre trying too hard!

[Vance]

As with anything, experience makes a person capable of approaching a situation with confidence; and with people getting older, people have been getting older for years (that's a joke) take a look at Robin Williams - he still acts like Mork from Ork, but now has better roles given to him because of his experience, and successes - THAT is the important part, you can spend YEARS aging gracefully, start while you're young and get practiced now. Respect those who do more than just moisturize and look pretty...

Desires also change with age, the person who said you couldn't be a superhero when you were a kid is still telling you that you can't be a superhero when you're an adult - yourself. Try telling yourself you CAN be a superhero and go beyond the gay cliche of being jaded before your time; start being who you want to be for yourself now so you're used to it in a couple of years. Practice good manners so it's not a cultured attitude but how you behave - respectfully to others no matter how old or young they are.

[John McLaren]

Enjoying inevitable ageing is not about how to dress to pick up twinks half your age. Being gay and older means reaching a good place in your life in terms of a rewarding career, having great life long friends, maybe a life partner and notwithstanding good health have the kind of financial situation where you no longer have to worry about money...no mortgage payments, enough money in your 401K and lots of disposable money to do whatever you want to do, when you want to do it. And that's better than being 23, having a hot body and a waiter's job as you struggle to make ends meet.

[Anthony]

Abercromie has been out since the end of the 90's. Time to move on to clothes that speak experience and knowledge. Try some Kenneth Cole, Michael Kors, etc something worth wearing.

As one contributor mentioned, as I get older my taste changes and I to am prefering older men with a bit of grey or more grey. Its sexy....its refined...and classic. Grow old gracefully.

[Crystaldragon222]

A lot of guys claim that aging is no big deal; this is true in the straight world to a point. We as gay men are often ignored if we get too fat, we don't make enough money, we don't wear the right clother, and as ab older man of color we must have more to offer than most. The gay world is hung up on age, cock size and fat gay men. That happens when you get older you put on weight; you have to push away from the table and you have to watch everything that goes into your mouth. Who wants to do that as they age; but as gay men if we don't we want be asked out. I'm not looking to be a dad, provider, or a owner of a slave. What do all these things have in common people looking to sponge off you. I want a man that can provide for himself, or pay for dinner if he ask me out; then again I'm past that age where guys find me attractive. I refuse to behave like a obessed man; caught up in the numbers game. Accept my age if you can't then believe me I want settle; I know what I want. Young guys understand sometime us old farts like talking to you because guys our age act their age. I liked to be challenged if that means competting against guys younger than me so be it. I like sports and I like the competition. Young guys give the the old fart a chance, maybe he really wants to be a friend and nothing else; you be honest and tell him I want to be your friend if you respect me then I respect you. If you constantly hit on me then please move on. Older guys be honest and truthful that way everyone knows where you are coming from.

[StopWhining]

Reply to Crystaldragon: I think your argument is so full of shit. You're basically saying you can't enjoy being older because who would want an old, fat guy... well than I'd say in return, WHY THE HELL would you want to date some shallow ass bitch that only cares about looks anyway?

This is the problem I have, I'm 25 so not that old, but by gay standards not that young anymore either, and I on occasion have an older or fatter or uglier guy hit on me whatever the case may be, and true, I don't always jump at the idea of going out with this guy but what pisses me off is when some fat, ugly, older guy hits on me and gets offended when I say no. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM and be like, I DON'T SEE YOU TRYING TO PICK UP FAT, OLDER, UGLY guys so why the hell should I want to?

Now putting all that aside, Age, and weight do NOT make somebody unattractive necessarily and I have seen plenty of older, or thicker guys that I found just as attractive as some young, leaner guys... secret was, their attitude. If you fat but you happy, you're 100 times better looking than if you thin and hate yourself. AND THAT IS A FACT!!!

[Rod]

You all have not idea what it is to age gracefully. I'm 60, have a realationship for the past six months with a guy ten years my junior/ He thinks I'm sexy as hell, loves my body, (I am in very good shape) and can't keep his hands off me. Wants nothing but to have sex, and cuddle. We have an intellectual connection as well, and love to carry on conversations that are diverse as opera to the environment. Get over yourselves boys, and get with the program, life doesn't end at thirty.

[The Cadillackid]

for me? I guess im slanted because ive always liked guys older than myself.. i also like guys that are REAL... that means be themselves.. if they like going to the gym and working out? than im all for it.. but if they dont like doing it then i say let their body be as it be naturally.. I love to go biking and walking.. so what if it helps my body looks.. it feels good..

wear what you want because you like it.. npt because it fits the "scene" or the "gay Life"...

want to take your shirt off in a club? then do it.. forget whether the rest of the community thinks you are "too old" or "too fat" or "too thin"... do it because YOU want to...

personally i never wore A&F, GAP, Hilfiger, Structure or any of that.. im a Jeans and T-shirt kind of guy.. if you LIKE the clothes and they are COMFORTABLE then wear them..

my point is that too much of many gay men's Lives are spent worrying about how they look to others and not enough doing and wearing and driving and hanging with what and who they LIKE..

so i build my own cars in the garage and get dirty.. so what I also cruise old hotrods around smokin the tires.. and do all kinds of computer geeky things..

so what if my body isnt Perfect.. im happy and comfortable..

im a proud 40 and a Happy Guy...
-Christopher

[Joe]

"Men tend to age better"

Less sexism, more brains.

[Scott]

Well I think I am one of the few gay men in Orlando that is totally ok with aging. I live by what my grandparents were examples of...growing old...not getting old. I have friends of all ages older than me and younger than me. I quit wearing AF, Hollister and things like that even before they were trendy I suppose. It's ok to shop at the grown up AF store...Ruehl No 925. They are aimed at us older gays. They actually employ people who will speak to you, not sneer at you and are fully clothed which is refreshing.

There comes a time in gay life where you need to grow up. Quit planning your vacation (especially when you live in Orlando) around every event at gay days in June. Remove the term "boy", "boi", "AF", etc from your online profiles...most likely by the time you are 24 for the first two and for sure soon thereafter for the rest.

Quit trying to shove yourself in to clothing that is designed for people 10 years your junior and you probably should have been wearing WHEN you were 10 years younger.

I don't know why people fear growing old. It's a state of mind and yes the gay community is so judgemental. But the good news is all of those 10 years younger than me who are judging me now will be my age in 10 years wishing they had an open mind. I'll be sitting at the bar waiting to have a grown up conversation drop on by.

[Ray]

Remember, gents - if you have to ASK if you're too old for Abercrombie and Fitch, you ARE. A 45-year-old gay man with exposed gray roots wearing A&F two sizes too small is the gay equivalent of a bad comb-over. Don't do it!

[gary]

i guess it's because i was never described as hot or attractive that i still resent younger people. I also learned to respect people growing up with older people so a lot of times i couldn't relate to younger people.

besides some younger men do like older men and vice versa

but keep that bod in shape for sex you never know when your next partner is coming along....

lol

[Ide]

As a gay young adult who will turn 30 in a month, I found myself much in the minority in the company of most gay men, for welcoming my transition from my 20s to my 30s. To most, it appears aging is curse, whilst to me, it is simply a welcome aspect of the very process of living.

I have always been more attracted to older men with salt and pepper hair than I have ever been to younger men in their 20s. I personally find that a handsome man in his 30s to early 40s with salt and pepper hair and a good heart is the most attractive kind of gay man there is. The intangible attributes of a man matter just as much, if not more than the tangible attributes do.

Having said that, I also believe that one can age gracefully without resorting to the popular culture's demand that we obsess over youth. For it is the anxiety associated with this obsession that leads any given being to age quicker than one would without this worry.

So to the older gentlemen out there, please put away the A&F outfits and pick up a stylish shirt and trousers (or denim) that fit, along with a good pair of shoes. I assure you, the latter look will get you more attention from attractive and sensible gay men of any given age.

[Vince P]

here, here... there is definitely a disparity in the young gays and the older set. I am 42, and the younger group think they will stay that way forever. Hmmm, I have enjoyed my aging process... like a good wine...I think I am getting better as I get older. However, my dating scenario is limited, but I have reconciled that in my mind, which has helped that 'growth' process. Remember- we all age at the exact same pace, some just got on the rided earlier.

[Mark Lowder]

I'm almost 46 and I don't have a problem with aging, but then again, I've never been obsessed with my looks. The only thing that bothers me about aging is that I can't do all the things I used to do with the same intensity. I just don't have the stamina anymore. Every generation has to go through the period when they become less relevant. I go to the gym because I want to stay active and keep my body moving. As for worrying about wrinkles, moisturizing like a woman, coloring my hair? No thanks, I can't be bothered.

[Ken]

Here I am at 43, sporting a Mohawk and still wearing graphic tees, cargo shorts and the Vans. Some people probably do shake their head and say, look at that old queen trying to be young. I would say to them that I'd not trying to fool anyone and pass myself off as a kid, I'm just trying to look the best I can at my age and for my comfort level.

I tried "looking" my age once and my friends begged me to go back to how I was before. I grew my hair out, stopped having it colored (so, it was very gray), wore glasses instead of contacts and started dressing like the rest of NYC that Winter (Black, Black and more Black). I hated it and was terribly depressed every time I looked into a mirror. So that look didn't last long. But, I do agree , there is a time when a guy has to stop shopping at Abercrombie, American Eagle and Hollister. There's nothing wrong with growing older as a gay man, but that doesn't mean you have to be an old fart with hair growing out of your ears.

[fw]

I always say "age is mind over matter - if you don't mind, it doesn't matter". It's all about attitude. Unfortuantely alot of 'gay culture' doesn't see it that way. It most times does seem to be about looks, weight, clothes . . .the 'image of the ideal'. Meh, I don't get it . . . so many are working on how they look, that they forget how to be themselves. I'd rather be with someone who doesn't fit the 'ideal', in favor of someone who knows who he is, whatever the age.

[Roun Man]

well to me personally i'm 17 ans i love gay older mens =] aging is a thing to me nor should any1 ! u look GREAT !!

[bobby]

"The community" is the shallowest place on Earth. Even discussing this is proof that those in this stream believe that things like fashion - the most facile of human interests - have any importance at all. We're doomed to continue as ridiculous beings if this is what we deem worthy of debate.

[Nathan]

The notion that gay men are more obsessed about their looks or are more superficial & care about other mens' looks is the biggest myth out there! Everybody, gay or straight, male or female is equally insecure. You're not human if you aren't.

Also, anyone who is a day over 19yo is too old to wear A&F. Biggest turn off is a desperate man wearing a pethetic A&F tshirt who thinks it'll magically make him look like one of their models. So please stop this, you look foolish!

[don]

What difference does the brand of clothes you wear make? The only thing I think of when I see a guy wearing A&F is that he must not be very good at shopping for clothes. Torn jeans for a 100 bucks? (or more) That's just crazy. There's nothing wrong with torn/worn/faded jeans, but they are just jeans, paying huge sums of money for them just doesn't make sense. You only attract guys that are more worried about how much you paid for your clothes than the person underneath them. If you are interested in attracting gold diggers, go for it. The only person I am trying to please when picking out clothes is me. I think a bigger issue would be, why do so many gay men wear undersized clothes? It looks bad on most. Spandex is a privilege, not a right. If someone can tell you have a mole on your back while you still have a shirt on, it's too small for you.

[Raymond]

If your over 24 and wearing Abercrombie you need to get a life. It's a cloths line for H.S. and college boys not for old gay men.

[Trip]

I am 22 years old, and I am personally attracted to men older then me...bigger emotional range, bigger conversation and bigger bank account, being young and gay isnt the most important thing to me, though I have been getting botox for 3 years and have been hungry for a decade, looks arnt the most important thing to me in someone else, I do all that for me cause thats how I want to look, not how I want other men to look or how I want to look for other men, hell I dont want a guy in fucking abercrombie, give me a guy in Gucci or Armani any day over abercrombie, I wore that shit in high school. Bottom line, take care of yourself, have the confidence to be yourself at any age, and wear sun block, after all that age is just a number, it is what you want to make of it, dont let your number in years discourage you, your experience, personality, fico score, and maturity are much more attractive to me than the "Iam a student!" levels of the kids my age

[Mike]

It seems wheather gay or straight, as a whole culture most people are obsessed with being young and looking young. I think there is more pressure in the gay world on guys and more for women in the straight world at least just from the media. For clothing, it shouldn't really matter what you wear or what brand, as long as you like, wear it. Yes, some brands and clothing are more designed and geared toward older people. This could just be because of society and how we think older people should dress and so on. But really wear what you want and look how you want. In the end it just depends how comfortable you are with yourself.

[Shaun]

Really theres no good time to be wear Abercrombie, especially on anyone over 40. I actually prefer older guys, but nothing says desperate or sad more than wearing stuff too young for your age, it only helps to age a man. I like my guys who are proud of the age and dress more classic wish a little twist, instead of desperately trying to 25. There is nothing wrong with being 40 and over, just dress appropriately.

[Xman]

hmmm, that's pretty weird... around where I live, the clothing brands are strictly divided; if you see somebody wearing abercrombie, 9 times out of 10 they are over the age of 30; Hollister on the other hand, you almost never see "old people" wearing. Probably has something to do with the price, since even though they are basically the same brand with a different logo, the prices are very different; not to mention the stores themselves cater to different audiences (abercrombie USED to be geared towards highschool/college students, but now it seems to be attempting to attract middle-aged people). They should do a poll to see they ages of people going into both stores on a typical day... would be interesting

[Omaha Bob]

LMAO! "There comes a time in every gay man's life when he has to ask himself: Am I too old for Abercrombie?" That time came to me when I was twenty-one and I didn't have to ask myself - I knew. Any man - gay or straight - who judges his age based on the clothing line he wears is a joke. Style changes with age; if you are an adult man who where's Abercrombie going out on the town, then you probably never had any clothing style to begin with.

[Rob]

I think that guys in their 40s make fools of themselves. My biggest fear isn't aging but looking foolish chasing and believing that a 21 yo can love you as much as they love your bank account or pounding away drink after drink - day after day at a bar with dim lighting. This is how I see a majority of single older gay men.

Another thing I see is WHITE men who think their gods gift to earth in their 20s and 30s are not aging well in their 40s. They now look to go after asian and black guys to compensate in their own looks. I do not know why gay men don't see their futures rationally.

I do see hope. I see several of my 30yo friends getting married, having kids and forgetting about the gay or aging process all together. No families aren't for everyone but selfless acts of giving are displayed best with loved ones. I see my child-less gay couple friends aging but moving to suburbs and leaving the gay urban scene (which tends to be single) and settling in with a dog or cat and volunteering. When I see this, I am glad to see that the generation of guys in their 30s will progress better than the generation before them.

I do have compassion and I understand that guys in their 40s and 50s had a huge barriers to being themselves but with every minority there is a "cross over" generation before we fully become part of the fold.

[mauerbih]

I just wish that majority of gay guys sport a classier look for an evening wear then A&F (or any other brand) tight t-shirt and ripped jeans. One thing is to sport casual look but another is to try too hard. Nice pair of jeans and shirt goes a longer way than tight jeans (at least it’s more attractive to me). Tight clothes are just too much, regardless of age. It’s always nice to leave something to imagination.

[Mike]

And why are we discussing this? Everyone gets older. So, the point is? People talking about botox, and fashion, and having the correct look and of course working out, these are the most important issues facing the gay community? Maybe addressing the poor financial condition of many gays or the insanity of "hi how are you, let's have bareback sex," would be more substantive. But, I guess the point of the article is that the gay community has no substance.

[jjay801]

If youth is important to you my being 52 but looking much younger will not matter because I still look older than the typical A&F model. Sadly too many of the gay community falls for the bs that is put out by A&F, AE, Gap, etc, that young is the only hot. Perhaps you can write off my attitude to cynicism over being older and less attractive to the vast majority of the gay community (I'm sure it plays a role) but then maturity and rationality play an even larger role. As I have aged I have found out that appearances are fleeting, youth lasts a short spring but the year goes on for another three seasons and if you don't recognize whatever my qualities are then I haven't the time of day for you! Not to be rude but you can't be a horn dog forever and I wish someone had slapped my upside the head when I was <30 and wakened my to reality

[Jon]

For nearly a century, A&F catered to mature gentlemen sportsman. The phenom of it being a brand for youth "only" is relatively new. It was only a couple of decades ago that the question, "Are you too young for A&F?" would have been appropriate. Most of the kids today would be appalled to know that their great,great,grandfathers would have used A&F gear. This a good example of how a slick marketing campaign can convince kids and grown ups both, of what they "should" be wearing, as opposed to making those choices for themselves. Also, most of the clothes from A&F look like the same things folks were wearing in the 70's, so yes kids, this is another "fashion" that is from a generation or 2 ago. When are thin ties coming back?.....or did I miss that rerun? : )

[K]

Another pickup truck morning,
and rednecks. Loitering
in our red uniforms, we watched
as a pickup truck rumbled through.
We expected: 'Fill it with no-lead, boy,
and gimme a cash ticket.'
We, with new diplomas framed
at home, never expected the woman.
Her face was a purple rubber mask
melting off her head, scars rippling down
where the fire seared her freak face
leaving her a carnival where high school boys
paid a quarter to look away.

No one took the pump. The farmer saw us standing
in our red uniforms, a regiment of illiterate conscripts.
Still watching us, he leaned across the seat of the truck
and kissed her. He kissed her
all over her happy ruined face, kissed her
as I pumped the gas and scraped the windshield
and measured the oil, he kept kissing her.

Martin Espada "Rednecks"

[Homohirsutus]

Anyone who bases their appearance and self worth on clothing is a person that lacks adequate self esteem and pride. The clothes dont make the man, the man makes the clothes. If a 50 year old man has the body that can fit into something by A-F, and he likes the way it looks, then wear it. Who gives a shit. If you like Carhart.....then wear it. If you think you are better then someone because of the shirt you are wearing.....then you are useless to me as a human and I dont give a shit about you. If a man likes the way he looks, then I applaud him. If he doesnt like they way he looks, then do something about it or shut the fuck up, Im tired of hearing you whine.

[ArtNOLA]

I just turned 45 and the last time I wore Abercrombie & Fitch was when it was competing with Brooks Brothers for the older market. I believe that was the late 80s or early 90s. How many of you remember those days? I am pretty lucky because most people are amazed that I am 45 and think I am in my mid 30s. I work with two guys who are both about 5 years younger than me and both look at least 5 years older.

I always feel bad for guys who are hanging on to their youth for dear life, but I suppose to an extent we all are hanging on to our youth as much as we can. A little hair color every now and then never hurt anyone, just keep it within reason. I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying to look about 5 years younger than you are, but anything past that makes you look a little pathetic. Would I love to be 35 again? HELL YES!!! Am I perfectly happy being 45? HELL YES!!!

I am always surprised by guys who lie about their age. I could easily say I was 35 and no one would question it, but I would much rather tell someone I am 45 and hear them say "WOW!! NO WAY!!" I sure as hell don’t want to tell someone I’m 30 and have them think, “He’s lived a rough life.” I think it is possible, and very sexy, for an “older” guy to dress stylish and contemporary without looking ridiculous. One rule I like to live by is I won’t wear a shirt with a logo on front that is larger than my nipple, if you can see it from more than about 10 feet it is too big and you just need to leave it to the youngsters.

[Sargon Bighorn]

Would someone please explain to me who these Abercrombie and Fitch fellows are? Did they explore the Arctic? Did they make some discovery? Are they relevant?

Clothes? Huh? Wear what flatters your form. Aging, everyone is standing in the same line, some are just further ahead.

ArtNOLA, you're 45 ! WOW, No way. I would have pegged you at 50! JUST KIDDING.

[Dalton]

I agree abercrumbie has awful clothing, even on the teens it is awful and it's the same old crap. Now if an 80 year old man wants to wear their shorts then let him. If you feel good in clothing then you look good. But yes, probably not for him. I have seen older guys in aberumbie crap but if you mix it up right you will be fine. So, if you want to feel youthful then stay active and fit and you will have an aura of youthfulness.

[davey]

I almost take offense to this article when I think of all the young twinks that have befriended me because of my "sexy older man looks" then fucked me over financially and called me every bad name they could think of in cell phone text terms.

I cerntainly never had anything other than platonic relationships with older men when I was young and this article really makes me cringe. To all the Hurleys, Hollisters and A & F boys, remember you will look just like us or worst when you age or if you even make it to middle age.

[Michael]

Some see my aging as sexy, others blow me off. I can deal with that. How do you tell a potential lover, however, about your increasingly troublesome prostate symptoms? As my urologist tells me, if all men live to be 100, all men will have prostate cancer. Yikes! Some have it earlier (Frank Zappa, George Harrison, you get the idea) and the symptoms gradually affect your ability to perform sex and to enjoy it. I'm glad I'm still functional, but see the writing on the wall. If I have gotten one man to pay attention to this important and hidden gland, I feel successful

[Nate]

Age is all relative. If you think you look and feel old, then you will indeed act old.

I am a 30-year-old gay man. And to me, I believe that there are men well into their late 40's who age well. I happen to believe that wrinkles are sexy and even a touch of gray. But that is just my personal preference.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What man may look handsome may not be for another. Look at age subjectively. What about having a brilliant mind, a successful life and career, and family and friends who care about you?

I would think that these features would mean more than how we look as we age. But then again, most gay people are vain, shallow, and conceited where how someone looks and how old they are takes top priority over everything else.